A man was suffering terribly and was in the agony of death. The physicians could not find a cure. A spiritual Guru who passed that way, after studying the case, said, “If you apply the “soil from heaven” on his forehead, he will be cured.” Everyone was confused as to how to get the soil from heaven. But one boy came forward and told them that he could bring the soil from heaven, and he ran. After a while he came back and handed over the soil to the Guru. The Guru kneaded it with water and applied it to the sick man’s forehead, and he was cured. The surprised crowd asked the boy, “From where did you get that soil of heaven?” He said: “I have learned that one’s father and mother are heaven on earth for him/her. So I brought the soil on which my parents’ feet rested.”

The feet of our parents and those who nourish us with food, knowledge and wisdom are great blessings of our life. In our culture, we consider them as our gods in visible form. There is great benefit and value in following the guidance our elders give us. In our culture, we have the beautiful custom of touching the feet of our parents, teachers and elders, seeking their blessing. The feet of our parents will have many stories to speak as they have trodden many steps of joys and sorrows, successes and failures, and sacrifices for our sake. Therefore, their feet are truly hallowed, and the soil where they stand is holy ground. As parents are synonymous with care and nourishment, the place they live in is heaven for their children. In some tribal traditions, they worship their parents as their gods after their death.

The month of May is considered in some traditions as month dedicated to mothers. As they have suffered and sacrificed so much to make for us a little heaven, it is our duty to give back to mothers a little heaven by making them feel cared for and contented in their life. There is the story of a paralyzed mother getting up and running to save her child who was about to be run over by a truck. Our parents forget their personal pains and limitations in order to save us, take care of us and keep us safe. So it is only fair that we overlook their shortcomings as they have overlooked ours while we were growing up.

Honouring our parents and teachers is a sacred duty and great virtue as well as an example you present to a society where such values are disappearing. They would scale any mountain, swim across any river, and walk through any desert to help us reach peaks of success and happiness. Today, we stand on the ground they have prepared, which is therefore sacred and the soil under their feet is heaven!

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I can understand how overwhelming this feeling must have been. At a given point in life each one of us has at some point felt overwhelmed by the events happening around us, which thus have caused chaos in our life. However, if this continues to persist overtime it is important for us to fix this situation. To be able to fix the situation we first need to accept that there is a situation that needs to be fixed. This can start by you first making a list of all the things that you feel you faulter at. After the list has been made, try and focus on each one of them. For example, if there is a loss of a lot of money as you have mentioned, what do you think is the reason for that. Is it out of being less precautious or overspending? Once you are able to rationalize this it is going to be a lot easier for you to deal with the situation at hand. Not being up to the mark according to your own standards may lead to you having a low self-esteem. Once you are more sorted with your thoughts, I am sure you will feel a lot better and your parents shall see visible results too.

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Dear Asmita,

You are feeling guilty that you are ‘disobeying’ your parents to join a course of your choice because till now you have always obeyed them.

Like all parents, they may be thinking about economic aspects, social acceptance, where you study and work (location), and safety instead of your interests and your talent/skills. However, you are going to study and work in a particular field, so it is also important to enjoy what you do.

There are two things to do: One is to convince them — in a firm yet caring manner — that this course is really what you want to do, and how it is right for you. Second is to address their fears, if any. You could seek professional advice from a career counsellor if you wish. Do your homework about what they might want to know, e.g., detailed information about the course, career prospects, income, your interests, your talents and so on. Request that they give you a fair hearing and share your thoughts; ask for their views and suggestions and answer their questions. Assure them that you will see the course through and take responsibility for yourself.

If you are firm about what you want to do and address any fears they may have, it is more likely that your parents will understand and respect your choice. Good luck!

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When I realised Parents’ Day was around the corner, I set out to ask fellow humans like me what their parents meant to them. Here is bag full of responses I got.

• My mother is my best friend.
• My dad is a great Maths teacher.
• Mom is the best chef in town.
• Mother is a perfect homemaker.
• My mom… seems like she’s a nurse.
• Dad is a rock, forever supporting me.
• My mother is the best critic around.
• My mom and dad complete me.
• My parents are the finest teachers.
• My folks are my greatest inspiration.

In a nutshell, a parent plays the role of a teacher, chef, nurse, doctor, friend, coach, critic, support and a continuous motivator. Parents nudge their offspring in purposeful directions to prevent them from becoming prey to distractions. Most parents genuinely care for their children and are mindful of their needs even when kids tend to overlook them. Mature parents trust their children’s individuality, continually focusing on their children’s wellness, metamorphosing them into the best version of themselves. Yes, sometimes parents could be overprotective and ‘helicopter’ their children, but their intentions are nonetheless positive. A good parent sows the seed for a beautiful life ahead for children at any age.

Those who’ve grown up without parents tend to realise their value way more. On the other hand, many who have their parents around might take their care and attention for granted; assuming that parenting is “just another role” and “it’s not such a big deal” because “everyone does it”.

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Dear Janvi,

You’re feeling quite upset that your parents don’t trust you anymore after they ‘caught’ you talking to a guy. While your parents are naturally concerned about your safety, they seem to be suspicious of your every move.

Unfortunately, fear stops us from telling our parents about our friends, especially those of the opposite gender. Yet, it is important to discuss with them that you will meet people of both genders, especially when you go to college, and that friends of the opposite gender are not always romantic relationships.

If you want to build trust with your parents, first communicate openly and honestly with them. Tell them about your friends — who they are, how close they are to you, how you met them, their backgrounds. Let your parents meet your friends. Perhaps your parents might also want to get to know their parents.

Discuss and agree upon limits and boundaries related to going out with friends; and then keep to the limits you have agreed to. Your parents need to see you as someone reliable — a person who will keep her word, and whose behaviour is consistent. Show them that you can balance your studies and friendships, and you can say ‘no’ to your friends when needed.

Rebuilding trust will take time, but the more open you are, the easier it will be for them to trust you again.

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Dear James,

You feel quite hurt and ridiculed when your family members laugh at your dreams and are wondering with whom you can talk about these goals and dreams.

While it is normal to share what you feel excited about, think about what response you expect from those with whom you share them. Do you want them to approve and encourage you? Give you feedback and suggestions? Support to achieve them… or something else? Then communicate accordingly. For example, ask questions like: “What do you think about my goals?” or “Please give me any suggestions for improvement” or “Please suggest ways that I can achieve my goal”. This helps people to see that you are serious about your goals.

Start working towards your goals today. For example, if someone wants to be a Space Scientist, they need to complete a science degree, and they need to focus on Science and Maths now. If there is no action, dreams remain unfulfilled. Be prepared that your dreams may change as you grow older. So, keep a goal diary where you can write about or draw your goals.

Make sure your dreams and goals are practical and achievable before you share them with others. This will ensure that it is not a source of entertainment for them, but that they take your dreams seriously.

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The vet shakes his head as he looks at my old Jeff. “He’s on his last legs!” he says, and it is painful for me to hear that.

“What can we do to make him comfortable?” whispers my wife, and is told of a waterbed, to look after his aching joints, and painkillers to relieve his pain, “and plenty of love and care!” We all smiled despite the sadness, because that is something we can overdose him with!

“Why are you keeping your dog alive?” asked a neighbour later.

“This is the time for him to know how thankful we are for his life.” I said, “He’s guarded our home relentlessly night and day, waited for us to come home when the children were studying abroad, and the only sign of welcome in an otherwise empty home was his wagging tail and whines of joy.”

Now it was our turn.

Forgive me, all you who are not fond of dogs or pets, for bringing them into my stories, and here let’s make a quick exit, and into the world of humans.

What an opportunity old age is, to tell those who have loved and cared for us that this is the time we will do the same in return.

So what if you mess the bed or the table. So what if you have to be fed; didn’t you do the same for us? Now sit back or lie down and enjoy being looked after.

It might be a bit of trouble, but wasn’t that the same trouble when I was a toddler?

“Bob!” says an old lady, “I don’t want to be a burden to my children!”

Burden?

Is that how we look at our parents? As a burden? How sad. Here’s a wonderful opportunity to make them feel loved, that even as they are helpless, they marvel in your helpfulness! Even as they forget, they are grateful for the memories you bring up ever so often to make their days delightful!

And delightful they should be.

Smiles should light their faces as they get up each morning to face a whole day of love. Smiles, because they don’t see their age or helplessness, but you with a headlight of dazzling love!

And one day you’ll come home and find them lifeless, and even as you grieve for them, you’ll hear a still voice speaking from the great beyond saying, “God bless my child, as he or she journeys without me…”

And those blessings remain forever!

I come back to my old Jeff, and gently pet his still huge head, and is that a chuckle I hear from his throat as he growls, “Master, looks like you’re guarding me in my old age!”

And we both laugh together!

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Dear John,

You feel so anxious about your parents’ well-being and safety and fear the worst will happen to them. Perhaps you are afraid of being left alone in this world, and this makes you over-attached to them!

You cannot control everything that happens, so focus your energy on what you can.

1. Think helpful thoughts: Imagine your thoughts are like a hat — you can choose which to wear. Instead of ‘I don’t…’ or ‘I can’t…’, try these: ‘I may face challenges, but I can overcome them’, ‘When I care about myself, I can take care of my parents better’, ‘God gives me the strength to face life, then why fear?’
2. Take positive action: Find solutions. Some examples: hiring a maid during the day can ensure that your mother has company. Discussing your father’s heart treatment with him can help you feel better prepared to help him if he requires it.
3. Pray: While death is inevitable for everyone, faith in God will help us to accept it when the time comes. Pray, asking God to help you build inner strength.
4. Refocus: Instead of focusing on death, focus on loving your parents and enjoying each moment with them. Help your mum at home; go for a walk with both of them, spend more time with them, do some activities that all the three of you will enjoy. Each day, express gratitude for your parents’ presence in your life.
5. Balance your life: Make friends. The more you connect with others, the happier and healthier you will be. Focus on building a career. Your parents would love to see you happy and well-settled in life.
6. Seek support: Instead of going it alone, seek help to work through your fears — talk to a counsellor, a priest/pastor, a mature friend/an elder.

Fear can be ‘Forget Everything and Run’ or ‘Face Everything and Rise’. The choice is yours.

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Dear Arryan,

Looks like you feel quite confused by your parents’ behaviour. It makes you feel unloved. Before anything, do reflect on what you have shared; it will help you find your answers: What kind of ‘play’ or ‘fooling around’ do you do? You may ‘have no intention’ of harming them, but the reality is that ‘one of them accidentally got injured.’ What ‘trouble’ do your parents have to say: ‘we don’t need you around to cause….’? What makes them think you ‘don’t do anything good’?

Has any of the above happened before? If yes, it is natural that your parents are concerned about your sisters’ safety, and also about your behaviour. If you want to win back your parents’ trust, here are some changes you need to make in your behaviour:

1. Find different ways to show affection to your sisters. Perhaps you can show you care by playing board games or by helping them in some way. Be an encouraging and supportive older brother.

2. Make friends with other people of your age. Channel your energy into exercises and sports. Focus on your future, your career, your hobbies, etc. Take responsibility and offer to help at home.

3. Reach out to your parents. Share your feelings with them: “I feel very hurt when you ask me to go.” Ask: “What can I do differently that we can get on better?” Tell them you want to make them feel proud of you and ask them what would make them feel proud of you. If they won’t agree to a conversation, ask a trusted older person to help. Only when your parents see a change in you, they will begin to trust you; and when you change you will feel better about yourself.

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