Mature communication is a fundamental building block of society, as it helps us to function effectively. In order to address conflict in society, the late Dr Marshal Rosenberg, an American psychologist, wrote a book called Nonviolent Communication – A Language of Life. Dr Rosenberg believed that human beings are, at their core, empathetic and compassionate. A mature, non-judgemental, non-violent reaction to hurtful situations is a choice we make and can be learnt at any time.

Conflict is a part of our daily lives. It could be because of irrational learnt beliefs and prejudices, negative emotions, misunderstandings, or lack of concern for others. Today, cutthroat competition is lauded by the media and influencers. This constant quest for being ‘first’ results in conflict when our needs are unmet. Living on the edge brings unhappiness, destroys human relationships and results in various psychosomatic sicknesses. For instance, a gossip is impinging on the rights of others by spreading canards. Some communicate through criticism, bullying, aggression and sarcasm.

Irrational Culturally Learnt Beliefs and Prejudices: “As the head of this family, my daughter must be married off early. A woman’s place is in the house. What does she need an education for?” Prejudice colours a person’s thinking, and he will defend a lie.

Negative Emotions: A person feels worthless, perhaps due to mental and physical abuse during his/her early days. Consequently, the person is aggressive in communicating with others.

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Life as we know has been altered with the fast-paced environment around us. And as we learn to grow and adapt to the changing demands, there is a heavy focus on achieving excellence. However, the bid to excel often puts emotional well-being in the back seat. A person’s ability to understand, comprehend and deal with their emotions shapes their personality significantly.

Studies have shown that the lack of ability to understand a situation can directly affect or hamper one’s growth. Identifying and communicating is an integral part of development. The human mind and its reactions have always intrigued me, captured my curiosity and has been a starting point of many of my explorations. As a student of psychology, I plan to dig deeper into such pursuits in a more structured format.

Growing up, I realised that teenagers, including me, find it very difficult to identify and express what we feel in a healthy manner, which is why I understand the importance of being able to talk about your emotions openly from a young age as it translates into a future ability to do the same. Middle school is perhaps the most eventful time as a child as it sets the tone for adult relationships. A child during this phase of life goes through a lot of emotions, and I wish I had better tools to help and understand what I felt. This is the time when one is no longer a toddler and has to navigate relationships and feelings independently. Social dynamics get more complicated and you start having stronger feelings, reactions and opinions.

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It was at my cousin’s office years ago that I met the fast talker.

He was, according to my cousin, a star salesman. “Hear him Bob,” said my cousin, “He has the gift of the gab!” Which meant he could talk fast and easily as words came out of his mouth faster than a speeding race car.

But my cousin fired him in a month. “I don’t know what was wrong,” he said, “He had the gift of the gab, yet he failed to make a sale!”

I worked as a salesman during that time, for my dad, and as I studied sales, I could have told my cousin that being a great talker didn’t make you a great salesman, but being an intent listener did.

What happens with people who talk too much is that they listen too little.

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