Did you know that friendships make you live a longer life? By “being a good friend”, you become kind, compassionate, understanding and adaptable. This improves all other relationships in your life too, making you happier and more gratified — all a recipe for longevity. Friends are not always easy people, mind you, but if you build on your social intelligence, you will be able to navigate your friendships to smoother waters and sense greater joy and satisfaction. Here are 5 hacks to better your friendships.

1. Engage

Friendships do not thrive passively. You shouldn’t just assume that once a friend, always a bestie. You cannot sit passively on the side of a road and expect that every passer-by will become your buddy without you even starting a conversation. Like all relationships, friendships need participative engagement. You need to “see” your friends; they’re not invisible entities who simply exist. Many a time we think, “She’s my friend, she will understand that I am busy” or that “He’s a good friend, he will know that I don’t like talking too much.” What does your friendship mean to you? In what way do you engage with your friends and “connect” with them?

Some friends meet at the local animal volunteering agency, others connect over dance, while several like meetups to try out new restaurants or art galleries. Or maybe just have a sleepover where you chat up and catch up. Figure their penchants and whether they match yours and try to build an overlap. The connectivity hormone oxytocin is released when you spend good time with someone you care for and it arouses feelings of closeness in living beings. For that, friends need to be physically as well as emotionally present with each other. Friendship isn’t about non-stop chatter and gossip, but when you become disengaged, the oxytocin connect gets completely lost. And so does the friendship eventually.

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Roald Dahl and the ‘gloriumptious’ friendships

From Matilda to The BFG, there are some truly splendiferous books that Roald Dahl wrote, and the one thing that stands out in many of the stories: the friendships. Matilda was lucky to have found the gentle and lovely Ms Honey, a teacher-turned-friend. Danny might live an unusual life in a van, but the friendship he enjoyed with his father is the stuff of dreams. But Sophie hit the jackpot when she befriended the very large and very friendly giant who turns her life around! You’re never too old to read a book by Roald Dahl

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“Diamonds aren’t your best friends. It’s best friends who are your diamonds.”

Friends have a continued presence in your life. Especially in the tumultuous transition from adolescence to adulthood, many teens feel friends’ support is what makes life livable. You share your little triumphs as well as embarrassing secrets; tell them everything that happens to you (good or bad) and take their advice on major as well as little decisions. When you’re upset or sad, friends always make the time to listen, care and be there. Although this care is rendered in many other relationships, such as your siblings, cousins or parents, it somehow never adds up to the support you perceive from friends. You’re blessed with your blood family, but friends are the family you choose to love and be loved. Unconditionally. That is why it’s much easier to open your heart to friends and rely on these pillars of support throughout your life.

And yet, people can at times take these bonds for granted. That is why friendships break, and you drift apart from your buddies who were once your unrelenting support. If only you invested rightly and put in a little more time and effort into maintaining these special relations. Here are seven tips for nourishing and nurturing your friendships:

Always be appreciative

More often than we realize, we take our friends for granted; assuming that it is their birth responsibility to help us each time we need them, without being grateful for their love and time. We let our egos get in the way of showing them that we care about them. It’s important to take out the time to remind your friends that you love them, why you feel this emotion; and reinstate their value in your life. Like the popular band Coldplay said in their song, Everglow: “If you love someone, you should let them know…”

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