Feeling left out and lonely can be incredibly tough, especially after losing a close friend. It is important to recognize and accept your feelings. It is okay to feel hurt, lonely, or left out. Writing in a journal about your emotions can help you process them better. Try to reach out to other friends or acquaintances, even though it may be very hard initially. Sometimes people might not realize you are feeling left out. A simple conversation or spending time with someone new can help you feel more connected. Getting involved in activities or hobbies you love can be a great way to meet new people and take your mind off feelings of loneliness. Remember, you are not alone. Many people go through periods of loneliness and feeling left out. It is a common experience. Talking about your feelings and seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Building new connections and finding ways to cope with loneliness can take time. Take care of yourself, and allow yourself to heal and grow from this experience.

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I can understand how awful you must be feeling with this thought sinking into your head gradually. Humans by nature are said to be an unpredictable species; their personality is ever-changing and dynamic. The fact that you haven’t met your friend would make it even more difficult to judge him better. Always remember that we can never know a person fully, though we feel we do. Online friendships don’t always have a happy ending as you would only know how much has been told to you. Remember that in life we can never chase anyone to stay; if this is something that he has decided, that is his decision. However, being at the receiver’s end, I do not want you to ever feel inferior. As the old saying goes, “Time heals everything.” I want you to trust that this too shall pass with time. The present is going to be tough to deal with, but spending quality time with your friends and loved ones will make you feel a lot better, keep yourself distracted, pursue a hobby and set futuristic goals for yourself. This would motivate you and help you feel better too.

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Dear Disha,

It is wonderful to see how you are standing by your friend in her difficult time. Not being able to solve her problem is making you quite sad and frustrated. Unfortunately, it is not possible to solve someone else’s problem for them. It is possible to support them through the tough period.

She needs time to work through her own feelings. She has become silent because she is bottling up her feelings inside her instead of expressing them. If she is willing, encourage her to seek help either from the school/college counsellor or any other counsellor.

As a friend, you can encourage her to talk whenever she feels ready. When she does, help her to voice her feelings; does she feel angry, hurt, dejected, rejected…? Avoid giving any advice. She may possibly be blaming herself, thinking she is a fool, or feeling she is not good enough. Right now, she may not be interested in anything, but gradually if you can do some activities together such as going for a walk (if possible) or joining a yoga class, it would be a great start. You could do some mandala colouring together; or if she prefers it, encourage her to write. Slowly draw her attention to the world outside by talking about casual things. You just being there for her is the best help.

Most importantly, keep a close watch for any signs that she may harm herself in any way. If you suspect that she might, immediately break confidence and inform the counsellor/her or your parents/your teacher/any trusted adult.

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Dear Aishwarya,

Looks like you feel really helpless and annoyed when your best friend blindly trusts the other girl in your class, and fights with you. If it takes such little effort to make her fight with you, then it is obvious that she doesn’t exactly trust you — and trust is the foundation of friendship. In that case, it seems that you consider her your best friend more than she considers you her best friend.

If this friendship means so much to you, then it is important to have a frank conversation with her and understand what triggers her to fight with you. Let her know that it hurts you when she does this. If she does care about you, then mutually decide what action either of you can take if someone tries to create misunderstandings between you both — perhaps you can check with each other before drawing conclusions or taking action. If she doesn’t agree to participate, or change her responses, then I’m afraid you better off finding new friends who trust you as much as you trust them!

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Dear Annora,

Looks like you feel so deeply hurt and rejected by your friend. Your friend is treating you like a puppet on her string: She first ignored you, then gave you hope by saying she was ‘ready to leave the past behind’, then took it back and ‘didn’t want to talk to you’. Think about it, would you still like to run after a person who does not respect your feelings at all?

Just the way chanting a sloka repeatedly helps our positive prayers to be answered, the same way if we repeat negative statements such as I won’t be able to get a friend like her,’, ‘I just want to be her friend now, nothing else’, — your brain begins to believe those negative thoughts. These negative thoughts keep you stuck in a room called ‘The Past’, which is dark.

So, open your door, step out and close it on the past! Tell yourself, “I have moved on, and have made new friends”. And, there are many ways to make new friends… Slowly, watch your world become a brighter place!

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Dear Shreya,

You are feeling quite upset, angry and frustrated that your ‘friend’ is so insecure and jealous of your relationship with your ‘brother’.

Unfortunately, when two people enter a romantic relationship, any third person becomes somewhat of an outsider. So even though it may not be intentional, your relationship with your ‘brother’ has changed due to circumstances outside your control. While you still consider your ‘brother’ as your ‘bestie’, it won’t be the same for him. And while it may hurt for a while, the sooner you accept this, the happier will be your friendship with both of them.

A mature way to handle this situation would be to meet both of them together and to include her in your fun whenever you can. This way, you will help reduce tensions among all three. At the same time, support yourself by making new friends and deepening other existing friendships. You will emerge a stronger and happier person.

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Dear Kirti,

You are feeling quite hurt that your best friend is not talking to you. You also feel worried that you may lose her friendship forever. You are longing to speak to her but are afraid that she will not respond to you because of what happened.

Looks like she is quite hurt about being punished because of you. So, the first thing is to be brave and say sorry to her and mean it. If she doesn’t want to speak to you or hear it, perhaps make a nice handmade card and send it to her or keep it at her desk. If she is willing to tell you why she finds you selfish, ask her about it and listen with an open mind to what she says. Then, if there is some truth in it, try and become more loving and giving.

Friendship is a beautiful bond and both need to work towards making it stronger. Saying sorry, meaning it and changing your ways, is wonderful ‘Friendship Glue’!

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Dear Savi,

You must be feeling very upset, hurt and angry that the person you consider to be your best friend doesn’t return your feelings and share things with you, but instead ignores you.

Ask your friend for time to sit and talk this through. If she agrees, then you can share your feelings and listen to what she feels as well. If she doesn’t respond, unfortunately there is nothing that you can do to make her spend time with you.

While it is important to feel the pain, but not for a long time, so you will need to deal with your feelings and also keep your self-esteem up. Use the power of your feelings to help you find out what you’re good or to become better at something you have a talent for — perhaps some sport? Art? Writing? Dramatics? You can also keep a journal of your feelings.

Also look for new friends who share your ideas and interests. The fortunate thing is that each one of us is capable of finding joy by building relationships with many different people.

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Dear Khushi,

I can see that you want to clear the air with your friend, and it is a good step you want to take. While I’m not sure what made you both stop talking to each other in the first place, it is quite clear that both of you have taken turns at ignoring each other, so it is tit-for-tat.

If you are feeling hurt and angry right now, it is quite certain that she felt hurt, puzzled and angry when you didn’t respond to her last year, and is still feeling the same way. You both need to deal with your own hurt and to forgive.

Unfortunately, things don’t always work on demand — when you want them to. When one person is ready, the other may not be ready, and that is okay. If she doesn’t wish to speak to you, it is better to respect her wishes and to wait until she is ready to communicate. If after a certain period of time — say 3 to 6 months — if she isn’t ready, you will need to accept her decision and move on.

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Dear Deepika, I think you are running too fast with your imagination. You “think” that a good friend has a “crush” on you, which means you think he is infatuated with you, and you are already imagining the possibility of a love marriage! Are you really sure about the feelings of that boy? Did he tell you anything about that? If he tells you that he is emotionally attracted by you, tell him that you don’t have feelings for him in the same way that he has and that you are happy to continue your relationship with him as a good friend and nothing more. Just speak the truth.

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