16-year-old TRISH-A’s song MVP is about her trying to regain her own self-esteem, when she found herself frequently ignored by her closest friend.

“Our relationship had deteriorated into one of apathy and I found myself constantly making excuses for her. Writing this song really helped me reinstate my sense of self-worth, establishing that I am the Most Valuable Player (MVP) in this equation. I will promote this song by sharing content that reiterates the importance of self-preservation in such situations”, says the young singer who started singing when she was just 5 years old.

A Top 24 finalist at the Nexa Music Experience, TRISH-A’s main goal is to have her music resonate with people globally, and with her unique 4-octave range, she is well on her way to achieve that.

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Wikipedia defines gaslighting as “a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or group covertly sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their memory, perception or judgment.” Narcissists resort to gaslighting as they crave to be the centre of attention. Also, those with low self-esteem resort to this manipulation so that they may appear superior in comparison to their victim.

What are the different forms of gaslighting you should guard yourself against?

Minimizing Your Feelings: The manipulator makes remarks like, “Don’t be a drama queen!”, “You are being hypersensitive and making a mountain out of a molehill.”, “Big boys don’t cry.” This results in you being ashamed of your feelings and bottling them up. What may seem a trivial occurrence to one person is not so for another.

Minimizing Your Achievements: When an individual feels intimidated by the achievements of someone else, he or she may resort to this method of bringing down the ego of the victim.

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As someone who has spent a lot of time pleasing people and caring about their opinions, I just have one thing to say to you — you can’t keep everyone happy; there will always be someone who won’t be satisfied. The only person you have to keep happy and satisfied is yourself. The moment you truly start feeling happy and content from within, you’ll stop caring about what others think of you.

I was talking to a close friend a few weeks back about low self-esteem, insecurities, body image issues, and I spent a little time thinking about how these three are connected. What are body image issues? It’s being engrossed in comparing your body, appearance, skin colour, hair to unrealistic ideals.

Remember, the body you don’t like is an ideal body for someone else and the ideal body for you is a body despised by the one who has it. As we all know, the grass is always greener on the other side. The judgemental society around us has created this unnecessary pressure to look and behave a certain way, but you are by no means obliged to follow them, and you definitely shouldn’t. This led me to conclude that body image issues create insecurities and comparison. As they say, comparison is the thief of joy. Why compare yourself with others when you were born with a unique and individual identity? Stop comparing yourself with others and automatically become the best version of yourself. These insecurities are not required at all. Finally, insecurities and comparison lead to low self-esteem. I’d like to share this wonderful quote with you: “It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not.” We are all so unique, so distinct, so different that we can do anything we want and achieve everything we want to but just because of “oh, I don’t think I can do that”, it leads you to not being able to achieve that and makes you feel bad about yourself.

Low self-esteem occurs when everyone compliments you but you still don’t feel worthy. But you deserve all those wonderful comments. I want to tell each one of you that you are so wonderful, so precious and so unique. So make it your habit to appreciate yourself. Make a promise to yourself that you will value yourself, and consider yourself deserving of a plethora of happiness and goodness and even more. Because believe me, you really do!

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Dear Rishi,

Your nervousness and lack of fluency while speaking English causes in you both frustration and embarrassment. Spoken expression in a language is always done in a social setting, which makes it more difficult than writing because of the fear of ridicule from others.

We feel nervous and self-conscious when we seek others’ approval… and we do this because somewhere we don’t approve of ourselves; our self-esteem is low. So, instead of wanting to be perfect, help yourself by changing your mindset from “I want to be perfect and competent” to “I am constantly learning,” “I learn from my mistakes,” and “It is okay to make mistakes.” This will make you feel free from within and slowly you will begin to enjoy speaking.

Fluency in a language comes with preparation, rehearsal and practice. So, make it creative: Join a public speaking class; Find friends who are fluent, who will helpfully correct you. Watch more English movies; Write a speech and deliver it in front of your mirror, then to a small circle, then to a larger circle…later, try an extempore speech; Take up a topic from the news and in front of your mirror speak for and against it; Take two chairs and play the roles of two different people… as you have a dialogue change your chair. Once you let go your self-consciousness, your focus will be off your mistakes, and you will begin to enjoy interactions!

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Everyone has a mental picture in their minds of who they are, what they are capable of, and where they are going in life. If you suffer from low self-confidence, it means that you have a negative view of these things in your mind. You probably feel that you are not worth much and that whatever you try will result either in mediocrity or failure. If you want to increase your self-esteem and build your self-confidence, you have to work on your self-perception.

To start the process of improving your self-esteem, you need to incorporate these daily habits into your life.

Change your self-talk

Self-talk is the act of talking to oneself, either mentally or aloud. It is any thought that pops into your head in reaction to an external stimulus. The way that you feel about situations depends on what you tell yourself.

If you think about a situation negatively, it will lead to negative emotions like irritation or anxiety. Thinking about the situation positively will lead to positive feelings like excitement or happiness. When you are working on increasing your self-esteem, you become more aware of the constant self-talk that leads to negative feelings, and you can replace it with positive self-talk that encourages higher levels of self-esteem.

For example, if you are always telling yourself that you are fat every time you look in the mirror, stop and replace these thoughts with words of encouragement. You have trained yourself to look at areas of your body that make you insecure and reinforce your insecurity by saying “I’m fat.” Teach yourself to appreciate your body or focus on an area that you feel good about. Over time, this will shift your self-image and confidence.

Practise affirmations

Affirmations are simple, positive statements that you can write about yourself to change negative thinking patterns. They help to improve self-esteem by implanting new beliefs to replace beliefs that cause low self-esteem. With enough repetition, affirmations will become implanted into your subconscious mind.

Here are a few starters. Write these out before you sleep — 21 times each for 21 days continuously. If you skip a day, start again.

• I love and accept myself unconditionally.
• I am peaceful with all my emotions. I love and approve of myself.
• I create a life filled with rewards.

Stop comparisons

Recognize that you are unique. Realize that you never get the full story and that everyone puts on a front in an attempt to disguise their insecurities. When you compare yourself to others, you are merely comparing yourself to the façade others are presenting to the world. Everyone has thoughts, doubts, insecurities, judgements and other inner battles that they deal with in their minds.

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