I can understand how overwhelming this feeling must have been. At a given point in life each one of us has at some point felt overwhelmed by the events happening around us, which thus have caused chaos in our life. However, if this continues to persist overtime it is important for us to fix this situation. To be able to fix the situation we first need to accept that there is a situation that needs to be fixed. This can start by you first making a list of all the things that you feel you faulter at. After the list has been made, try and focus on each one of them. For example, if there is a loss of a lot of money as you have mentioned, what do you think is the reason for that. Is it out of being less precautious or overspending? Once you are able to rationalize this it is going to be a lot easier for you to deal with the situation at hand. Not being up to the mark according to your own standards may lead to you having a low self-esteem. Once you are more sorted with your thoughts, I am sure you will feel a lot better and your parents shall see visible results too.

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Many people think that being confident means speaking in a massive auditorium or making a big career choice. Whereas the confidence people experience in everyday life can be something as simple as choosing the clothes you wear with confidence. There’s no worry present — just a decisive, simple, effortless, determined act of picking out the items that you want to wear. The word ‘confidence’ comes from Latin confidentia and confidere which means to ‘to have full trust’.

My definition of confidence is being comfortable in your own skin — authentic and natural. Just being yourself. Truly confident people are authentically themselves and they don’t need to pretend to be someone they are not — they feel perfectly good enough just the way they are.

Being confident helps us deal with unknown situations and uncertainty. This may be uncertainty about speaking in front of people, exams, what to study or what to wear. So confidence and self-belief are what we really need.

Confidence is a state of mind and body; it’s also a habit — a habit that can be learned and turned on at will. Here are five tools to give you inner self-confidence and a strong belief in yourself and your abilities to handle life’s challenges. Once you have practised these tools and techniques, you will be able to tap into your natural confidence whenever you want. You will be able to walk into a room, give a presentation, interview or handle a challenging situation with total self-confidence.

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“Life is like a game of chess. To win you have to make a move. Knowing which move to make comes with insight and knowledge, and by learning the lessons that are accumulated along the way. We become every piece within the game called life!”
― Allan Rufus, The Master’s Sacred Knowledge

On the occasion of World Chess Day on 20 July, I feel proud to write about the hobby of playing chess. Chess is one of the oldest games that people still play. The beauty of this game is that though it was started in the 6th century in India, the whole world plays this indoor game today.

Previously known as chaturanga, chess is a great hobby because there are many different ways that one can enjoy this game. The most traditional way is by inviting our friends and family to play chess with us.

Chess has seen a surge in popularity, transcending language and culture. It is one of the most challenging and intellectually-stimulating hobbies out there. But playing chess can make you feel comfortable and relaxed. It is a civil game and is fun as well.

Just about anyone can play chess. It doesn’t matter whether you are young or old — it is a simply satisfying game that enhances your logic and reasoning skills.

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Dear Peter,

You are sensitive to others’ feelings about you. This makes you overthink what happened, which affects your emotional and physical health, and your sleep.

When someone criticises you, first calm yourself. Breathe and count backwards from ten to one. Or notice any five objects of different colours in the room. When you are calmer, question these negative remarks. Are any of them true? What is the evidence that they are true? What is the evidence that they are not true? If they are true, you can use them as feedback to improve. If they are not, then you know the other person is probably expressing their opinion or their frustration.

Reflect on what affects you when someone says something negative or puts you down. We usually feel affected because we want to be seen as ‘nice’ by everyone and often don’t respect ourselves enough. So, instead of thinking ‘I am not good enough’, say ‘I am learning and growing’. Know your own strengths and weaknesses and accept, love and respect yourself as you are. Befriend people who respect you and learn to say ‘no’ to those don’t. Participate in youth activities that help develop your personality and your leadership skills.

When you feel more confident, firmly let people who pass negative remarks know that you find their statements too negative; and it is best that they only give you feedback you can work on. Show them that you are fine with yourself the way you are. Stand up for yourself!

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Dear Sheetal,

Sounds like you’re quite upset that your earlier decisions led you to a loss of confidence and lack of focus. Interestingly, you seem to have made the ‘proper decision’ to change. So take heart and get started with it!

If you haven’t already, do give up the bad company. Being on your own is better than being with people who cause you to lose focus on your dreams and goals. And, set that goal — what is it that you want to become or do after you finish your studies? Draw and put it up on the wall at home. Let it pull you and make you feel excited to achieve it. It will make you start focusing on your studies.

To maintain focus, use the 25-minute study technique. Agree to put in quality study for 25-minutes such that you remember what you learn. Shut out all outside distractions. If thoughts come, acknowledge them, and then remind yourself to go back to your studies because of the goal put up on your wall. If thoughts are too many, keep a thought journal and write them down. Then go back to studies. Reward yourself by taking a 5-minute break in which you do something you love — except technology or reading (thinking stuff). Do 4 cycles — 25-5-25-10 then 25-5-25-long break.

Meanwhile, exercise and take up one hobby. And slowly, once you’re back on track with studies, focus on supportive friendships. Your confidence will return. Good luck!

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How often has it happened that you were uncomfortable with the way someone spoke to or behaved with you? As if they were taking you for granted, not respecting you enough; and not paying heed to what you felt or thought was appropriate? Did you hide from the situation, stay quiet and let it pass? Or you stood up and spoke up?

Personal points of view are bound to exist in social interactions. Each one of us perceives, analyzes and interprets information from the outside world, uniquely. How we react to these, however, could enhance or diminish us. We feel positive when we assert our ideas, and crushed when our view is not accepted, or worse, belittled.

We hesitate about speaking up, because it could arouse a potential conflict, and hurt your relationship with others. But staying quiet plagues our minds and relationships, nonetheless. You may decide that it is better to go with the flow, but what if the “flow” makes you sad, anxious, annoyed or frustrated? You could begin to think negatively about the other person, or start thinking lesser of your own, condition yourself to be submissive; and become so insecure, that you begin to take yourself for granted even before others do.

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If you are like most people, speaking in public sends shivers down your spine. Many of you would like to avoid this problem entirely by finding some excuses. Whether we study or work, we will need to speak in public to get certain tasks accomplished or make our ideas heard. It could be your project presentation in class or doing a welcome speech at the School Annual Day functions or it could be attending an interview, eventually you will have to face the music. It’s also difficult to get very far, either professionally or socially, without being able to speak well in public.

Research shows that public speaking is the number one fear for most people and death is number two! So, at a funeral, many people would rather be the one in the coffin than the one who has to give the eulogy! From sweaty palms to cracking voices, speaking publicly can be terrifying, yet it is a crucial skill to be acquired. The truth about public speaking, however, is that it does not have to be stressful. If you rightly understand the hidden causes of public speaking stress, and if you keep just a few key principles in mind, speaking in public will soon become a fulfilling experience for you. Public speaking can be scary the first few times, but people who speak often have a few tricks that help improve their performance. They know how to prepare a winning speech, deliver it with maximum impact, and leave a lasting impression on the audience.

Although I am now as comfortable with a microphone on stage as I am in my own living room, that wasn’t always true. To be honest, until only a few years ago, I was petrified to talk in front of any sized group. Today, I love to teach/train, talk at Toastmaster clubs, church groups and other social groups. So what has changed? Did I take any medication before heading out to speak? No. My beliefs changed, and a whole new world of opportunities opened up for me.

When you ask people what they fear most about giving a speech, they list any number of reasons like lack of confidence, low self-esteem, nervousness, fear of audience, etc. But most people are concerned about what will the audience think about me or what if I forget my speech? Honestly, most of these fears are created in your imagination, and you hold it in your mind as if it is true.

Just like cycling, swimming and dancing, public speaking is a skill. And the fact is; skills are learned. Recall your first attempt at running (leg muscle pains) or swimming (probably you almost drowned). It’s the same for public speaking. You lose your voice, you stammer, you see white clouds instead of faces, and so on. But these are all first-step jitters. Anything afterwards is easy. When you run or swim, your first wind exhausts you so much that you feel you can’t move an inch more. But if you hang on a bit longer, you’ll feel new surge of unstoppable energy. That’s true for all skills, including public speaking.

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How you sound can be as important as what you say. A pleasant voice brings your words to life and may put more money in your pockets.

A Duke University study found that CEOs with lower-pitched voices ran larger companies, earned more money, and held onto their jobs longer. No wonder business executives and celebrities often work with vocal coaches.

Even if your time and funds are limited, you can turn your voice into an asset. Take a look at these simple practices to help you polish your speech.

Caring for your voice

1. Breathe deeply.
Breathing from your diaphragm instead of your chest will help you to project your voice and give you more confidence. At the same time, relaxing your mouth and throat gives you greater control.

2. Develop resonance.
Humming is an easy way to warm up your voice. The lower you go into your chest, the more powerful you’ll sound.

3. Avoid strain.
Swallowing is gentler than coughing when you need to clear your throat. Keep irritants like alcohol, smoke and dairy products to a minimum. Rest your voice if you find that you’ve overdone it by talking too long or too loudly.

4. Pace yourself.
Rapid speech is great if you’re a race track announcer. Otherwise, try breaking your thoughts down into phrases just long enough so that you can say them comfortably with a single breath.

PLUS!

• Connecting with your audience
• More tips for dynamic speaking

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Brian Acton was an American computer programmer and internet entrepreneur, whom no one wanted to hire in the mid-2009. Despite a dozen years of experience at Yahoo and Apple Computer, he got turned down by two of the internet’s most upcoming companies at that time, namely, Twitter and Facebook. When he could not find any company that would hire him, he teamed up with Jan Koum, and built the application WhatsApp that has dominated cloud-based messaging and is the most virally used social media in the world. Eventually Whatsapp was acquired by Facebook in 2014 for about $19 billion in cash and stock, making Acton’s net worth around $3.8 billion.

Like Brian Acton, you too can bounce back if you have met with failures in life. Some of you might make the mistake of thinking that you cannot succeed to do something, simply because you failed at it once before. The fact is that failures are part of life and learning. As the proverb tells us “Failures are the stepping stones to success.” Hence never give up when you have to deal with hard struggles in life. Dr Navniit Gandhi in the cover story of this issue explains in six simple steps, how to break the shackles of exam phobia. She suggests several success mantras to help you stay better motivated, focused and appear for your exams with greater confidence. Follow the tips she has given which will definitely help you keep cool and perform better in your exams. Remember also that it is very important to write legibly and highlight the important points, the headings and the sub-headings while writing the exams.

“Just as food eaten without appetite is a tedious nourishment, so does study without zeal damage the memory by not assimilating what it absorbs”, said Leonardo da Vinci. Do not study because you have to. But study because knowledge will empower you, study because no one can take away the knowledge from you, study because it is your asset in life. Above all, study because it will give you confidence and help you snap your fetters and succeed in life.

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I think I’ve spent too long hating my face
So I’m just gonna accept it that way.
I think I’ve spent too long grumbling over my hair
So now I’m gonna give them that care.
I think I’ve spent too long crying over my imperfect figure
So now I’m gonna open myself to a bigger picture.
I think I’ve spent too long sulking over my complexion
So now I’m gonna give them that affection.
I think I’ve spent too long being angry over my eyes
So now I’m gonna love the world they hold inside.
I think I’ve mentioned too much of my false parts
So now I’m gonna give it all a new start.
I think I have a beautiful soul
That has so many stories to unfold.
I think I have a pretty smile
For it makes my parents’ worries go away for a while.
I think I’ve got a strong personality
For it’s ready to face all the cruel realities.
But above all that
I think I have a caring heart
For it still hopes in spite of being broken apart!

Published in the November 2016 issue of The Teenager Today.

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