By nature, humans are friendly, pleasure-seeking, compassionate, kind, giving and forgiving creatures. Our “nature” or personality really comprises of unique inclinations that we cultivate in our thinking, feeling, and behaving to serve ourselves as well as connect with the larger world around us. Yet, from infancy and childhood, as we advance into teenage and adulthood, seeds of negativism begin to sprout. And some of them blossom into large spanning trees that colour our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours negatively. This unconstructive thinking clouds rational judgement and interferes with personal, academic, and interpersonal advancement.

You don’t feel good when you’re angry, sad, frustrated, upset, jealous or aggressive, right? By repeatedly feeling these negative emotions you could develop a thinking error that is commonly called a negativity bias. Like an anchor that locks the ship at sea, this makes you focus on that one bad thing even if there is a mountain of good things right in front of you. Think about the following situations:

• When your teacher (who always loves your work) told you once that your assignment wasn’t good enough, you can’t stop thinking about how bad you are.
• When your best friend’s invitation to a party does not reach you due to a technical glitch, you think that your friendship has ended.
• When you were asked to speak in front of the class, and your mind went blank, and you could not think of what to say, you felt like you were stupid.
• You said something about a friend in front of everyone that embarrassed him, and now you feel you cannot face your friends anymore, ever again.
• Your parents did not acknowledge your dance performance and you thought that nobody ever appreciates you or notices that you’re good at what you do.

All of them may have made you feel like you are not good enough or others are insufficient and that the world is an unfair place. You could become cynical and passive-aggressive too. You might change your outlook towards yourself and others and become pessimistic or negative. However, with deliberate effort and practice, you can learn to let go of negative thoughts and create a more optimistic outlook towards your life, irrespective of the bad that happens to or around you.

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We think that a crush is a romantic attraction towards someone. As a matter of fact, a crush isn’t always romantic as much as it is a feeling of being awestruck by someone. It’s a desire to connect at more than a surface level, and your crush could be a potential friend, work buddy, or a future romantic partner, too.

How do I know I’m having a crush on someone?

It will be obvious to the world. When you have a crush, there’s an incessant need to work all your plans around being in the vicinity and proximity of this person. You’ll find yourself matching your workout, evening stroll, morning walk, lunch hour in school or college, or other engagements, to theirs. You would be thinking, discussing, and contemplating about this person most of the time and probably be distracted from other tasks owing to this preoccupation. At a biological level, you will have an adrenaline rush in the presence of this person, allowing your cheeks to turn pink, your eyes to twinkle, and your palms to feel sweaty. In most cases, people break into an unexpected or inappropriate smile that could even be embarrassing, in a charming way of sorts. Don’t be surprised if you fumble or even lose your words in the presence of this person. Your brain chemicals go into a frenzied tango with an urge to do something, anything, to connect with this person in real life or even in a dream. It’s a feeling that you will surely enjoy — a mix of happiness that this person is in your life in some capacity, as well as a restless eagerness to get closer and closer to this person; to change the status quo to something else.

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Do you recall the time when you were 10 years old, and you used to wait eagerly for the summer break so that you could go on that vacation to your cousins’ place out of the city or country? The train or air travel, all-nighters with midnight snacks and sneaking scary movies while your parents slept. Do you recollect when the two or three weeks ended you would keenly long for the year to pass till summer break came back again? Time passed so slowly back then while you waited, didn’t it? Exam week would drag, school would seem sluggish. But the dance festival and sports day would come and go at jet speed. How you wished you could speed up that time, grow up, be independent and do all the things those grown-up kids used to do?

How similar is it today? Or is it the opposite? Did 2023 just fly by you?

Do you notice that more often than before, time picks the pace of a Ferrari today? Usually it seems to fly when you’re having fun and drags when you are bored. But the emotional perception of our time is so vast, it surprises us when we see the clock and wonder, “Oh, I had two hours to finish this essay, and three hours have passed and I’m only halfway through! Is this clock running right?” Or another time when you were with a friend at the park and suddenly you see that your mum is here to pick you up. “I just came here, mom, it’s not even been thirty minutes, you promised me an hour and a half.” Mum calmly reminds you, “It’s been almost half hour over ninety minutes, dear.”

You were probably bored with your essay and essentially time had slowed down to the point that it put you in a daydreaming zone that you lost track and speeded it up fantasizing about something nice. And whilst with your friend, time together brought on so much happiness that the dopamine rush in your brain soared high and you did not want the delight to end; so, you wanted more time. Your brain insisted that the ninety minutes flew by.

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Did you know that friendships make you live a longer life? By “being a good friend”, you become kind, compassionate, understanding and adaptable. This improves all other relationships in your life too, making you happier and more gratified — all a recipe for longevity. Friends are not always easy people, mind you, but if you build on your social intelligence, you will be able to navigate your friendships to smoother waters and sense greater joy and satisfaction. Here are 5 hacks to better your friendships.

1. Engage

Friendships do not thrive passively. You shouldn’t just assume that once a friend, always a bestie. You cannot sit passively on the side of a road and expect that every passer-by will become your buddy without you even starting a conversation. Like all relationships, friendships need participative engagement. You need to “see” your friends; they’re not invisible entities who simply exist. Many a time we think, “She’s my friend, she will understand that I am busy” or that “He’s a good friend, he will know that I don’t like talking too much.” What does your friendship mean to you? In what way do you engage with your friends and “connect” with them?

Some friends meet at the local animal volunteering agency, others connect over dance, while several like meetups to try out new restaurants or art galleries. Or maybe just have a sleepover where you chat up and catch up. Figure their penchants and whether they match yours and try to build an overlap. The connectivity hormone oxytocin is released when you spend good time with someone you care for and it arouses feelings of closeness in living beings. For that, friends need to be physically as well as emotionally present with each other. Friendship isn’t about non-stop chatter and gossip, but when you become disengaged, the oxytocin connect gets completely lost. And so does the friendship eventually.

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The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is the “extra”. It’s what changes the world. Yet many stick around being ordinary because they’re unaware of how much “extra” is needed and how capable they are of offering it. If only you knew what you were capable of and deployed your capacities to be the best version of who you were meant to be.

Have you experienced being in a zone or spot that felt like you were standing at the end of the road? There was nothing ahead of you (at least this is what you thought at that time)? No ideas, no path, no answers. Just a lurking question mark mocking you, “What are you going to do now? Give up?”

What did you do then?

Kaizen (Japanese for “good change”), thrives on the core philosophy that adversities are, in fact, moments of opportunity, to change what has ceased to work and ring in what will. Keeping the faith in hope, conviction and action. All Kaizen asks for is change. This amendment can be momentary or ongoing; massive or small. Kaizen contends that if you don’t change the status quo from time to time, you may not survive.

Why so much focus on change?

Newton’s Law of Inertia insists that if an object is in a state of motion or rest, it will continue to stay in that state of motion or rest unless it is acted upon by an external force that changes its status quo by accelerating or decelerating it. But look around and at yourself. Can you stay in the same state forever? Aren’t there too many changes taking place around you?

Circumstances, friendships, relationships, career, family, education and more… It’s impossible to maintain your status quo when external forces trying to modify you are so powerful. Technologies, trends, politics, and above all people, are ever transforming. It is increasingly important to integrate with the ebbs and flows, to experience delight, adventure and growth in life. Nothing is possible without embracing change.

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An Eternal Crisis

Haven’t you heard a lot of people say that adolescence is a time when you’re lost and are seeking to “find yourself”? Throughout life, everybody is in an incessant identity hunt. You think that you’re searching for friends, craving company and wanting recognition. The truth, in fact, is that you are desiring to understand your mind, accept your shortfalls and establish a sense of belonging to the most important person in your life — you. You are a product of your capabilities, relationships, values, ideations and memories. Without a “sense of self” that stems from these ingredients, you cannot navigate the winding roads of existence or see meaning in any of your experiences. You sense a blank when you look at the mirror because you can’t see through yourself. Why is it such a struggle to decipher, decode and discern who you are? Why the eternal identity crisis?

You Get Disconnected

Let’s recall a time when you were upset because a group of friends did not invite you to a party or involve you in their weekend plan. This has happened with all of us at some point. Did you speak up or were you too embarrassed, distraught, and sad? Did you hide the issue and sense your self-esteem dip such that you felt left out, unloved and unwanted? Maybe you appeased yourself with YouTube or a videogame and just hoped that you would be invited the next time around. Maybe you binged on some snacks that day to lift your mood. You did not want to deal with the discomfort. The disconnection wasn’t as much from your friends, as it was from your own self. You allowed yourself to feel unworthy because you were not connected with yourself.

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Do you feel like 2022 just passed you by? Did you think at any time that you could have made it more productive? Did it cross your mind that you had made resolutions that just slipped through the cracks in your memory? Do you sense a disappointment that you did not live up to someone else’s or maybe your own expectations? Failure, criticism, dissatisfaction, remorse, frustration and regret about your year all signify end of the year blues. Perhaps you’re really beating yourself hard for something you absolutely wanted to achieve but could not. And now, the New Year is almost here, and you feel you didn’t do justice to the one you’re just bidding goodbye to. The glass is half full and half empty if you’re looking at it practically. But remember, sometimes a half glass is enough to quench your thirst. Follow these tips to help you not feel pessimistic about what hasn’t been accomplished. Don’t let the end of the year blues eat into your happiness.

Be kind to yourself

Self-appreciation is easy on sunny days. It’s only when the dark clouds of under achievement and under-accomplishment strike you that you begin to demean and berate yourself for not being good enough. These are the days you seem to remember all your faults like they’re on a bulleted list plastered to the ceiling, staring in your face as soon as you wake up. Nobody can make you feel as little or as large as you can than your own self. So today onwards, choose self-kindness. If you can forgive others and be compassionate in their time of need, try doing the same for yourself. Remember, you may have tried and it may not have worked out. Maybe you can try again. Maybe you didn’t try and that’s okay too. Redirect your goodwill towards yourself and see how sadness and self-contempt fade away.

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You might wonder, “Why define something like happiness? Isn’t it all right to just feel, savour and relish it?” We all have felt happy at some point or hopefully many points in our lives — happiness is a sense of joy, pleasure, well-being, satisfaction, and maybe at times, indulgence. You feel happy when an old friend calls you to catch up, you’re pleased when you ace an examination, you’re overjoyed when you’re thrown a surprise birthday party, you feel good after a workout, you’re satisfied after eating at your favourite restaurant, and you’re ecstatic about indulging in chocolate ice cream while watching a funny movie on the weekend. All of this “makes you feel good” and becomes your definition as well as a recipe for happiness — to do all the things you like.

But have you noticed that this does not last for as long as you may have hoped or expected? Happiness is all of the above pleasures, but it is more than them, too. Imagine grabbing all these fleeting emotions and packing them into a foundation stone that you root deeply in your being such that it is not “short-lived” anymore. That would be the perfect formula for happiness — a deeper sense of meaning and purpose that stays with you so that you’ll never feel low, sad, lost or empty again.

Real and long-lasting happiness comes from doing things that are meaningful and give you a sense of purpose. Things that might seem difficult, but they demand your best and make you feel worthwhile because of the afterglow of satisfaction they arouse in you. That is why being called to every classmate’s birthday party is not as rewarding in the long term as helping a friend in need and bringing a smile to their face knowing that you can be a true friend indeed. Happiness is different from the experience of pleasure on the surface

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“Diamonds aren’t your best friends. It’s best friends who are your diamonds.”

Friends have a continued presence in your life. Especially in the tumultuous transition from adolescence to adulthood, many teens feel friends’ support is what makes life livable. You share your little triumphs as well as embarrassing secrets; tell them everything that happens to you (good or bad) and take their advice on major as well as little decisions. When you’re upset or sad, friends always make the time to listen, care and be there. Although this care is rendered in many other relationships, such as your siblings, cousins or parents, it somehow never adds up to the support you perceive from friends. You’re blessed with your blood family, but friends are the family you choose to love and be loved. Unconditionally. That is why it’s much easier to open your heart to friends and rely on these pillars of support throughout your life.

And yet, people can at times take these bonds for granted. That is why friendships break, and you drift apart from your buddies who were once your unrelenting support. If only you invested rightly and put in a little more time and effort into maintaining these special relations. Here are seven tips for nourishing and nurturing your friendships:

Always be appreciative

More often than we realize, we take our friends for granted; assuming that it is their birth responsibility to help us each time we need them, without being grateful for their love and time. We let our egos get in the way of showing them that we care about them. It’s important to take out the time to remind your friends that you love them, why you feel this emotion; and reinstate their value in your life. Like the popular band Coldplay said in their song, Everglow: “If you love someone, you should let them know…”

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When I realised Parents’ Day was around the corner, I set out to ask fellow humans like me what their parents meant to them. Here is bag full of responses I got.

• My mother is my best friend.
• My dad is a great Maths teacher.
• Mom is the best chef in town.
• Mother is a perfect homemaker.
• My mom… seems like she’s a nurse.
• Dad is a rock, forever supporting me.
• My mother is the best critic around.
• My mom and dad complete me.
• My parents are the finest teachers.
• My folks are my greatest inspiration.

In a nutshell, a parent plays the role of a teacher, chef, nurse, doctor, friend, coach, critic, support and a continuous motivator. Parents nudge their offspring in purposeful directions to prevent them from becoming prey to distractions. Most parents genuinely care for their children and are mindful of their needs even when kids tend to overlook them. Mature parents trust their children’s individuality, continually focusing on their children’s wellness, metamorphosing them into the best version of themselves. Yes, sometimes parents could be overprotective and ‘helicopter’ their children, but their intentions are nonetheless positive. A good parent sows the seed for a beautiful life ahead for children at any age.

Those who’ve grown up without parents tend to realise their value way more. On the other hand, many who have their parents around might take their care and attention for granted; assuming that parenting is “just another role” and “it’s not such a big deal” because “everyone does it”.

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