Mostly you make me laugh,
But I think you are insane.
I take a second look at you,
And feel the very same.

Sometimes we do disagree,
But before the day ends,
We are sitting side by side
Like the very best of friends.

You are someone
I love from the heart.
No matter how much we argue,
We can’t be drawn apart.

You are a little girl
Sent from heaven up above.
I am a super big sister
I am here to love.

The post Sisters appeared first on The Teenager Today.

Raksha Bandhan — the festival of love, bonding, togetherness. A special vow between siblings to be with each other during every phase of life that includes sharing, caring and growing up together. Who know us better than our own siblings?

Every Raksha Bandhan, my teenaged son asks me: “Mom, what gift do I give my sister when she ties a rakhi for me?” And the same question is asked by my daughter.

Being a woman entrepreneur, corporate gift manufacturer and someone who has been in the business of gifting since the past 27 years, this was a challenge we faced every day for every occasion. That gave birth to our venture MODO GREEN that stands for trendy, fashionable and, at the same time, green. It helped us solve the question of what do we gift our loved ones on various occasions — unique gifts that add value not only to our loved ones’ lives but also to our environment. 

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I used to often keep unwell as a child. Born with diabetes, it didn’t take much to get my blood sugar bouncy. I’d just have to miss a meal or be slightly stressed to go unconscious and be rushed for emergency medical help ever so often. During every medical college exam, my sister waited outside my examination room on standby, just in case I got sick. She’d read a book, listen to music, or when bored, she’d sleep. But she was there. She’d give up anything to be there for me. The same sister who fought, argued, and even got into physical fights with me! I still think we’re opposite human beings. We didn’t, maybe even today we don’t see eye to eye on everything. Yet, looking back, I cannot imagine a more loving angel I could be blessed with through my rough childhood days. That emotion continues in my fourth decade of life, too.

If you have a sibling (or siblings), then no matter how it was between you all the while you were growing up (as many fights you had, or how many ever times you tried to strangulate each other while you were little!), your sibling was undoubtedly your first playmate, partner in a few (or many) crimes, and your best friend. Relationships between brothers and sisters in childhood are a grounding base for secure relationships in adulthood. Of course, if you’re the only child, you could still evolve and develop well because you might seek greater companionship with friends and other significant figures in your life. But sibling relationships are just distinctive. You get a readymade friend without even asking for one! The spice, zest, zing and bling siblings add to life are often unparalleled. No one knows how to push your buttons better or wipe your tears gentler than your sibling.

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The post Who Makes the Best Oldest Friend? appeared first on The Teenager Today.

Dear Subhash,

Your older brother’s lack of respect for you, his cruel words, and the lack of support from your parents hurt you deeply and make you feel quite helpless about what to do.

When someone is mean and cruel to you, and you haven’t hurt them, then it is necessary to be firm and stand up to the bullying. If you want others to respect you, first respect yourself. The next time he says cruel things, you can: a) Walk off from there instead of engaging in a fight. b) Raise a hand in the ‘stop’ gesture and tell him firmly that you don’t like being spoken to like that. Say, ‘I will stand here and listen only if you speak politely’. Then walk off. c) Tell him that he is free to dislike you, but that you don’t appreciate harsh words.

If you are the one to start any fights or irritate your brother; or if you whine and complain to your parents, clean up your “own house” first and stop doing so. Then, ask to speak to your parents. Share that you feel hurt when your brother and you fight, and he says cruel things, and especially when they do not support you. Ask them to help you both to resolve this matter so that there is peace in the house. If your brother is willing to discuss, ask him too to suggest what you can do to bring peace between you both.

If these don’t work, either speak to your school counsellor in person, or see if there is a trusted family member or adult who can help you by mediating.

The post My older brother doesn’t respect me appeared first on The Teenager Today.

Dear Rahul,

It is truly said that ‘Comparison kills joy’. Look at the unhappiness and guilt that comparison and jealousy has brought you. Your brother instead is your ready-made buddy @ home! Celebrate your differences and your similarities. Find things to do together and don’t lose out on the relationship, for ‘Appreciation brings joy’!

Assuming you’re in Class XII Science stream. You need to study for a minimum of 4 to 6 hours with focus. For this 1) Identify your ‘high energy’ hours and study at that time; 2) Use the 25-minute Pomodoro technique (look up the Internet); 3) Solve lots of papers; 4) Make notes; and 5) Repeat each topic at regular intervals.

Each person is unique, and so are you. So, take some quiet time out and identify and write down your talents, strengths, weaknesses, hopes, desires and your career goal. Your goal should be your own and not something you want to compete with your brother; to win your parents’ and his admiration. Knowing what you want will motivate you to achieve it and will give you satisfaction. Once you have decided ‘what’, look at the ‘how’, i.e. plan what you need to do to achieve this — in terms of qualifications, resources, and time. Then make every effort to achieve it and take responsibility for both the process and the outcome/result.

You can choose whether you want to succeed…or not. Choices have consequences. So, making a wise choice is about responsibility!

The post I am jealous of my brother appeared first on The Teenager Today.

Dear Shelley,

Do speak to your mother, and share your feelings with her. Seek her help to see what can be done to change things and ask her what she expects of you. Before that, reflect on what are the ‘mistakes’ she scolds you for. If you view ‘mistakes’ as ‘events’ to learn from, you can change the way you do things. This will not only make your mother happy, but also contribute to your personality and future success.

Make friends with your parents, even if you have some fights. Find out what your mother likes and enjoys… and see if you can do common things together. Offer to help her at home. Often when parents worry, they forget to have fun, so, with your siblings, try and create a family fun hour once a week.

As for your brother, make sure whether he is being playful or angry. The next time he comes to hit you, in firm voice say, ‘Stop. I don’t appreciate you hitting me.’ Ask him to move back and keep a safe distance, or you step back/walk off. Repeat this till he gets the message. If he is being angry or violent, it is important to ask your parents to intervene.

The post I feel my mother is partial appeared first on The Teenager Today.

Dear Nikhil,

You sound so frustrated and embarrassed that your parents treat any girl who comes to meet you with suspicion and are rude and impolite to her.

The best way to find out why they do this is to have a frank talk with them. Perhaps they are worried that you will lose focus on studies? Or that you are breaking family and social traditions? Or is it something else? Also, be clear about your own intentions: Are girls just ‘friends’ for you, or do you want a ‘girlfriend’?

Explain to your family members that it embarrasses you when they are rude to a guest, and that it doesn’t make them look good either. Ask them what makes them uncomfortable when a girl tries to make friends with you. Acknowledge and accept what they say with an open mind. At present, if they feel that you don’t need a girlfriend, respect it. Ask if they are fine with a mixed group of friends coming home. It will help your family to gradually become comfortable with both girls and boys as your friends. Once they know your group, they may not object to ‘girl’ friends from your group coming over sometimes. As for having girlfriends, there’s plenty of time for that later!

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The post My parents drive her away appeared first on The Teenager Today.

Dear Arryan,

Looks like you feel quite confused by your parents’ behaviour. It makes you feel unloved. Before anything, do reflect on what you have shared; it will help you find your answers: What kind of ‘play’ or ‘fooling around’ do you do? You may ‘have no intention’ of harming them, but the reality is that ‘one of them accidentally got injured.’ What ‘trouble’ do your parents have to say: ‘we don’t need you around to cause….’? What makes them think you ‘don’t do anything good’?

Has any of the above happened before? If yes, it is natural that your parents are concerned about your sisters’ safety, and also about your behaviour. If you want to win back your parents’ trust, here are some changes you need to make in your behaviour:

1. Find different ways to show affection to your sisters. Perhaps you can show you care by playing board games or by helping them in some way. Be an encouraging and supportive older brother.

2. Make friends with other people of your age. Channel your energy into exercises and sports. Focus on your future, your career, your hobbies, etc. Take responsibility and offer to help at home.

3. Reach out to your parents. Share your feelings with them: “I feel very hurt when you ask me to go.” Ask: “What can I do differently that we can get on better?” Tell them you want to make them feel proud of you and ask them what would make them feel proud of you. If they won’t agree to a conversation, ask a trusted older person to help. Only when your parents see a change in you, they will begin to trust you; and when you change you will feel better about yourself.

The post My parents don’t love me appeared first on The Teenager Today.

He is a charm of my mother,
I love him because he is my brother.

His favourite colour is blue,
He is a sweet brother, that’s true.

He’s the ‘most wanted’ in my house,
Keeps on running like a mouse!

He loves to eat junk food,
He is a funny kind of dude.

He is a charm of my mother,
I love him because he’s my brother.

The post My brother appeared first on The Teenager Today.

Dear Maya,

Looks like you are feeling extremely hurt, embarrassed, helpless and frustrated. Your sister’s behaviour is that of a bully and you are her target. A person who bullies acts in an aggressive manner and expects a reaction. This reaction makes him/her feel victorious and successful. So, rather than react, it is better to respond. You can do this in the following ways:

• Love yourself: Value yourself – You have to believe that you are a worthwhile person and do not deserve to be treated this way.
• Show confidence: Even if you don’t feel it inside, walk straight and tall with your shoulders back and head high. Avoid showing fear.
• Confront calmly: Say in a firm voice, “I don’t appreciate your behaviour. Please stop.” Or, “I don’t appreciate being treated this way.”
• Diffuse tension: Walk away when your sister gets verbally or physically offensive. If she follows you, either walk away again or 1) Wait, look at her or 2) Calmly ask, “Have you finished?” 3) Hold your palm up to show ‘stop’ or ‘enough’ and walk away again.
• Ignore her: Avoid lecturing her on how to behave. Instead ignore her.
• Get support: Build relationships with friends — they are your support and joy.

Repeat these steps, each time she bullies you till you feel confident and she gets the message that you can’t be messed with.

The post I wish my sister were dead appeared first on The Teenager Today.