Many times we find ourselves caught in the trap of striving to be the best. We confuse ‘being the best’ with ‘doing our best’, and this subtle difference can lead to profound consequences. Striving to be the best often invites comparison, ego and a sense of competition that can result in struggles, instability, non-cooperation from others, and frustration. It creates a win-lose situation where someone must lose for someone to win.

In contrast, doing our best focuses on challenging our own capabilities, bringing out our full potential, and engaging in productive work with a positive frame of mind. It is about creating a win-win situation, not just for ourselves but also for those around us. Doing your best means being in a forward, active mode that is constantly refreshing and self-renewing.

So dare to challenge yourself to do your best in everything you choose to undertake. Give your full 100% to the task at hand each time. Break out of your comfort zone and empower yourself to go full throttle, putting all of your potential into action.

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2021 hit us before we realized and it’s not been a great previous year for many. And yet 2020 has been that teacher who’s taught us a lot about ourselves, life, existence and humanity in general. To not take anything for granted — health, wellness, education, friendships, family and more. Did you make any resolutions in January for how you wanted to spend this year? Two months have passed, and time has now gathered the speed of a concord aircraft; it’s flying faster than we can cope up with.

What drives resolutions?

Motivation is the energy source for accomplishing goals. When we resolve to study more, eat healthy, or be less argumentative, for instance; we could be functioning from many different internal visions. These could vary based on the resolution we make, but are all focused on getting to a better state or space than we already are at. Think of the motivators, for example, for the resolution to argue less.

• You’ve been told that you’re rude.
• You could lose your internet privileges.
• Friends are seemingly upset with you.
• You get headaches when you’re upset.
• You don’t like how angry you get.
• Respecting others more.

Whatever it is that you are aiming at, either external motivations or an inner energy force; both are feeding into the willingness to stick to your resolution and resist the temptation to falter. But then, you are human, and you can slip. Do you recall any of the traits that may have contributed to your slip-ups? When you were so sure you had made up your mind, yet tumbled? Here are four likely obstacles, the reasons why your resolutions may sizzle out even though you were certain you would keep them up:

1. Lack of self-control

By design, humans are vulnerable to temptation. It takes immense focus to not lose sight of the goal we’ve set for ourselves. Temptation works its charm by blurring the distant vision to distort the target, and make it seem unimportant for the moment.

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“My dad was my best friend and greatest role model. He was an amazing dad, coach, mentor, soldier, and friend.”
— Tiger Woods

Having a role model in our life is very important, and having a good role model is more important, as they influence what we do and how we turn out eventually. Positive role models influence our actions and motivate us to strive to uncover our true potential and overcome our weaknesses.

A role model is someone who serves as an example by influencing others. For children, the most important role models are their parents. Children look up to a variety of role models to help shape how they behave in school, relationships, or when making difficult decisions. A role model inspires and encourages you to strive for greatness, live to your fullest potential, and help to see the best in you.

It is someone whom other individuals aspire to be like, either in the present or in the future. He/she may be someone who you know and interact with on a regular basis, or someone whom you’ve never met, such as a celebrity. Common role models include well-known actors, political leaders, teachers, speakers, players, singers, doctors, scientists, and parents or other family members.

A good role model is someone who is positive, calm, and confident. You don’t want as a role model someone who is down or tries to bring you down. We like a person who is happy with his/her achievements, and continues to strive for greater and better objectives.

All successful people have role models. Once they decide who they want to be as their role model, they look at who was there in this role before. When I was small, I did not have any role model. The idea of having a role model was not known to me. But today, I understand the importance of having a role model that I can emulate him/her. Since they have walked through the paths I want to walk, I can always learn from them. The most empowering feature is the belief that if it was possible for them to become successful, so is it for me. All I have to do is to model and install their pattern of excellence in my life.

Today, my role models are Les Brown and Anthony Robbins — both of them are great motivational speakers and authors. They have touched and influenced the lives of millions and are still doing it. My dream is to become like them, one day. I read a lot about them, listen to their audio books and attend their seminars whenever possible. I observe how they build rapport with the audience and win over them during their sessions. I know that they were ordinary people, and today they are extraordinary because they followed certain success principles.

When I decided to run my first marathon, I took cues from my colleague who had run many marathons even when he was in his late fifties. I followed his instructions diligently. You have to find a role model, someone who has been very successful in the area you want to work in. Find out all you can about them and read about their success story and follow their footsteps, and one day, you will be there. Don’t limit yourself when choosing a role model. Choose the best person you know who is already living the life you dream about.

Having a role model is one of the crucial aspects of self-improvement. Following someone’s advice and trying to copy his or her approach towards certain things in life will actually give you a better perspective on how you are coping with problems and how you are trying to climb higher. Witnessing the results and analyzing the change in your role model’s understanding will, in turn, make you aware of your own transformation and effectiveness of your efforts.

You will also get advice on how to overcome your obstacles, at the same time you will also have an insight and see how it was like in the shoes of your role model back then. You will see what was happening in his mind at the time the problem came up, all through coming up with the solution, implementing it, and witnessing the results. That will contribute to the process of your progress, since you will recognize some of your emotions as fears, doubts and hesitations. It will serve as a complete guide for you.

By going through what your role model said or wrote, or most likely did, you will feel motivated to achieve the same progress and witness the same success. Motivation also comes in the way of having faith that you can succeed by following a similar success story, and ultimately having confidence that you’ve taken some of your role model’s qualities and adopted them as your own.

Since you look for a role model in someone you personally admire, having one can help you in a way that you will try to copy many of his/her routines and habits, as those are the habits and routines that drove him/her to success in the first place. Picking up the habits of a successful person can make you more likely to achieve success in the particular field he was successful, build your determination, and shape your mindset in a similar way. Hence, you should feel encouraged to learn more about people who inspire you and whose success you’d like to replicate.

On the other hand, distance yourself from people who are not on the same frequency. People whose qualities you don’t admire or people who don’t live up to your standards and beliefs when it comes to defining greatness. Be in touch with people who move you, challenge you and inspire you.
Do not ever make an extremist or fanatic your role model, as it will ruin your life. Every day we hear stories of young people who are influenced by such negative role models and ruin their lives!

Young people often become fans of celebrities, heroes, and famous people. If you observe these successful people, you will know that most of them do what they love to do. A closer look at these people will reveal that they put their heart and soul in whatever they do. They are passionate about it and deliver their 100%, and that made them successful.

Hence, before identifying a role model, you have to identify your niche and answer the question: “How do I want to be known in the world?” Accordingly, you must choose a role model and model him/her for the rest of your life because they have already gone through what you would be going through. Someone has done it before you!

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Dear Blessy

It sounds like you feel very tongue-tied and shy and experience stage fright in front of people. It looks like you don’t value yourself or believe in yourself. Since you know that you are the only one who can make yourself better, you’re off to a good start!

How about a dose of self-appreciation each morning? Look into the mirror and appreciate one thing about yourself, however small. Write it down too. By the end of two weeks, you will realise that you are unique and that it is pointless to compare yourself with someone else!

Change happens with small steps and regular practice. You could perhaps start by rehearsing a dance or a speech in front of a mirror. Then video-record yourself or perform in front of a trusted friend and ask for feedback. Then try it in front of a small group. Finally, take the risk of joining a dance or an elocution competition in your school/college.

As for your personal interaction skills, making a conversation is about starting with small talk — the weather, an event, and so on, and then about getting others to talk — so master the art of asking open-ended questions. You could pick up a book on conversation skills such as How To Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes and practise in the same manner as your dance/speech.

Change is a choice that you make each moment. So, make each experience one to learn from and grow, so that you live life fully!

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Do you ever feel directionless in the real world? As if in a dream or a zone? You think you’re working hard, yet aren’t getting anywhere? You’ve given it your best but it hasn’t shown results? Striving towards a goal is good, but the right recipe is also essential in order to make a perfect tasting dish. If you haven’t spent time on figuring what you want, you’re not likely to get it. But also, if you know what you want, yet have no clue on how to achieve it, you still will not get to it. So what’s really occupying the space between you and your goal?

Based on the age and stage of life, our goals and targets comprise doing something that we know is good for us and we’ve been overlooking, or about stopping something that we agree is harmful or counterproductive, yet have been unable to resist. Teenagers frequently set goals focused on diet, exercise, studies and friendships; but in no time, they fizzle out. Is there something missing in our target that we need to attend to?

Behaviour drivers

Motivation is the energy that pulls us towards a goal, or rather pushes us to actions that help achieve it. If you resolve to ace the final examination, there could be several motivators driving you. Could it be true that you…
… just want to avoid the furore of your parents?
… were promised a new bike if you did well?
… are very keen on a scholarship?
… want to prove that you’re really smart?
… like any challenge, and want to be successful?
… are ambitious and like to excel in everything?
… feel it’s your duty at that age to study hard?

No matter what the ultimate target, there are external drivers as well as an inner momentum that feeds into the desire to stick to the path and resist temptation to falter. But we are human, and we can slip. Do you notice any of the following factors that may have contributed anytime to your slipups? Think about them.

Lack of control
By design, human beings are not immune to temptation. It takes a good deal of self-awareness to maintain focus and not lose sight of the goal we’ve set for ourselves. Temptation works its charm by blurring the distant vision to blur the target and make it seem unimportant for the moment. The enhanced near vision in return, allows the tempted object or action to look enticing, attractive and harmless. That’s when we lose self-control. We watch the movie instead of studying, chat on the phone instead of doing homework, choose the burger over a salad, and skip exercise to sleep in late. Without self-control, every distraction can lure you and you are less likely to resist it. Always keep the target in sight, use reminders, posters, alarms and notes that help you remember why you started out so you’ll know why you should stick to your path to reach the goal.

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I am sure you would agree that leaders are symbols of strength and progress. We learn about them, hear about them, see them in action and even we want to be like them. But being a leader today is different from what it was 10 or even 5 years ago. Today’s workplace has a fast pace of change and many more demands. Leading and managing have moved well beyond just commanding and getting things done. Today’s leaders are required to tailor their leadership style to suit their environment and distinct situations. Having said that, there are 10 essential skills that determine the success of every leader. If you can master these skills, you can take your leadership from good to great!

Leadership Skill #1: Influence

Contrary to what most people believe, leadership is not about power. It is not about harassing people or driving them using fear. It is about encouraging others towards the goal of the organization. It is putting everyone on the same page and helping them see the big picture of the organization. To be a leader, one must be able to influence others to accomplish a goal, or an objective.

Leadership Skill #2: Motivation

The empires of the future are first built in the mind. Great leaders have an ability to create a vision of the future that is so vivid and compelling, that it inspires their people to want to achieve it. Simply put, they know where they are headed. They have a picture of it in their heads, and they are able to communicate it effectively. If you want to be an effective leader, it is critically important that you be able to paint a vivid picture of where your group or organization is headed and use that vision to motivate and guide action.

Leadership Skill #3: Communication

Communication is one of the fundamental leadership capabilities.Great leaders communicate with their people often, and that too in a variety of ways. They understand that communication is a two-way process, where listening is as important as speaking, because it lets people know that they are valued, and encourages them to participate and contribute. If you want to be a great leader, you need to be effective at all points in the communication process — from “sender” through to “receiver” — and you must be comfortable with the different channels of communication — face to face, voice to voice, written, and so on. Poor communicators usually struggle to develop their careers beyond a certain point.

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“The day will be what you make it,
so rise like the sun,
and burn.”

~ WILLIAM C. HANNAN

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Teenagers of the past

Did you know that several decades ago, teenagers were some of the most hardworking members of society? Long before shopping malls, computer games and high schools, teenagers were expected to work with adults to make a difference to society. They worked in trade, did farming, cooked, served, cleaned; and learned essential life skills well in time to grow into mature and experienced adults. The job had to be done. And they did it.

Do you think teenagers are any different today?

The impression of today’s teenager is more like a kid who…
… sleeps in late.
… prefers junk food.
… plays computer games.
… is hooked to social media.
… is easy going and lazy.
… surfs the internet all day.
… hangs out with friends.
… doesn’t study enough.
… is unsure about the future.

Does any of the above hold true for you?

Teenage is a period of great transitions. It’s the time to perk up on your looks, tone your body, improvise your wardrobe, build friendships, strengthen relationships, expand your social circle, excel in education, sport, career, hobbies, and build the plan for your life in totality. How easy is it to achieve all of this? Seems like too much to do and too little time? Do you ever feel stranded, directionless and out of control of your own life?

Find purpose in what you do

If you don’t believe that it’s going to benefit you, there’s very little chance that you will do it. If you want to feel important and responsible, you’ll have to find meaning in everything. Whether it’s helping out at home or exercising; completing homework or studying for your examination; know that you have to do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do. School work and study gets you to a good college and university to eventually get your dream job one day. And that helps you get your fantasy car and the latest gadget and other pieces of technology you admire. If you want it, you’ll have to work for it.

Say what you want — respectfully!

You are old enough to make decisions, provided you make them conscientiously. If you don’t agree with parents, teachers, friends or relatives, speak up and let them know how you feel. If you have your own agendas, voice them, have open discussions and reach mutually agreeable solutions.

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Prof. Sherene Aftab in our cover story on distance education explains that quality education is your right and that it is within your reach even if at a distant place whether within the country or abroad. All that is required is a strong sense of motivation and a deep passion to attain your goal.

Motivation is what is known to have worked miracles in the lives of innumerable individuals and history is replete with examples. Thomas Edison, one of the greatest inventors of all time, was so stupid a student in the judgement of his teachers in school that he was asked to discontinue his lessons. He thus had barely four years of formal schooling. But with determination and supported by the encouragement of his mother he learnt by reading physics and chemistry and conducting experiments in a small laboratory set up at home. In spite of initial difficulties and financial constraints in early years, he held more than 1,000 patents for his inventions. When he died on 18 October 1931, many communities and corporations across the world dimmed the lights or briefly turned them off as a mark of respect to his memory.

George Shinn, in his bestseller, The Miracle of Motivation, narrates several short stories and cites case studies to enumerate the miracles worked by motivation. In order to be motivated you must be self-confident. An inevitable element of being self-motivated is faith in yourself that you are able to achieve what you have determined.

Self-confidence builds up positive attitudes in life. Faith in one’s self, faith in others and faith in God can enable you to move mountains. Indeed, things considered impossible in life can become possible if you but have self-confidence and right motivation!

You can build up motivation by drawing up a certain programme for life. Begin by making a list of goals for your life, prioritizing them and setting a time frame to achieve each. Then identify the steps to be taken to achieve the defined goals taking into consideration both the positive and negative elements lining the road to success. Positive self-talk and self-confidence will form a strong foundation for your motivation. Be focussed and visualize success in front of you and you will experience the miracle of motivation in your life!

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