Leaving your comfort zone is very difficult and sometimes painful. In my book, DARE, I have a chapter, “Dare to leave your comfort zone”, but today I’m not going to quote from my book, but from a story, possibly a true one, written by Katherina Seidler:

‘The waves were rhythmically sloshing beneath the keel of the Santa Maria, the flag atop the mast was fluttering above the billowing sail.

The East wind had been blowing for 36 days!

Pedro leaned over the railing and stared with burning eyes as the Canary Islands disappeared over the horizon. “What are you dreaming about, Pedro?” asked Columbus as he placed an encouraging hand on the sailor’s shoulder.

“Land is disappearing, Admiral; there go the last mountain-tops of Spain,” said Pedro wistfully, and with a deep sigh continued, “And out here there is nothing but the East wind. How can we ever get back to Spain with that? My wife and children are waiting for me at Palos.”

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I was recently invited to a college in Kasargode district, Kerala, to conduct a public speaking workshop. During the session I invited the students to come forward and deliver a two-minute impromptu speech on a topic of their choice. Of course, public speaking is a scary thing for most people and these students weren’t any different. After much persuasion and coaxing, only a handful of students showed the courage to grab this opportunity; the majority were more comfortable sitting in their chairs (comfort zone) and observing the brave ones. If they stepped out, there was a possibility of being laughed at, ridiculed or made fun of by the audience. Or they might have forgotten what they wanted to say due to nervousness or what would others have thought if they didn’t perform well? What surprised me most was a female student who came to the stage reluctantly and told me: “Sir, I will not remove my mask because it has become part of me and I feel more comfortable with my mask on.” The stage was a couple of metres away from the audience and there was enough social distance. She stuttered and stammered throughout her two minutes on stage. Later on, I found out that it was not due to the fear of Covid-19, but it was because of her fear of facing the audience that she refused to remove the mask. She said: “With the mask, others won’t know my nervousness and fear, and I feel more comfortable with it.”

As the fear of Covid-19 eased, I began conducting sessions for small groups. After having spent almost two years with online classes, most students have become comfortable with them as they have the freedom to keep their cameras off. Even if they are asked to turn on the video, the usual response is “poor network”! The teachers have no choice but to assume that the students are listening to them. After schools reopened, most students are back in school with masks which is mandatory. But now there is a tendency for many students to hide behind those masks as they are not easily recognized by others, especially when they are in a new school and environment.

Have you gotten too comfortable with your mask? Are you trying to hide behind it?

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Our comfort zone is the place we are most at home. Within our comfort zones, there is little stress and strain. Many of us are reluctant to move out of our comfort zones. We feel great in our comfort zones, but that is not where we need to be. “A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” Getting stuck in a routine is easy to do. Comfort zones encourage in us an attitude of learned helplessness or hopelessness, making progress or evolution stiffer.

The capability to take risks by marching outside our comfort zone is the rudimentary or primary way by which we grow. In fact, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about anxiety or fear. We have to break the chains of fear to get outside. Once we do this, we will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process. While staying in our comfort zone can result in constant, stable performance, walking out of our comfort zone into a new task can create the conditions for ideal performance. Learning, creating, growing happen only when we step outside our castle and endeavour into the wilderness. People who regularly seek out fresh experiences tend to be more productive and emotionally resilient than those who remain stuck in routine.

Innovation or invention happens when we move outside our comfort zone. Being stagnant in routine often results in plunging creativity or ingenuity. Brian Tracy rightly said, “Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” Whatever goal we are trying to accomplish, no doubt, at some stage we will have to make a move that makes us feel uncomfortable. Greatness is found beyond our comfort zones. There are many ways to step out of our comfort zones and extend our boundaries:

Change your daily routine
Most of us have a pre-arranged and monotonous daily routine. By making small changes to this we can push ourselves to step outside of our comfort zone. We do not have to make huge changes or modifications. Minor differences in our day-to-day routine is good enough to transform our standpoint.

Change your mindset
Changing our thoughts can help us to travel in the direction we want. We should change our frame of mind. We should consider our comfort zone not as a shelter but a prison. We should learn to encompass profitable discomfort. We should select challenge over comfort, and set goals that compel or induce us to get out of our comfort zone.

Feel comfortable with the uncomfortable
One way to get out of our comfort zone is to expand it. We should design a goal to avoid running away from discomfort, and progressively enlarge the border of our comfort zone. We have to push the walls out and do not try to knock them down. Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

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Years ago, some scientists did an experiment on a bullfrog. They threw a bullfrog into a container of boiling water, and the bullfrog instantly popped out of the container. Then they put the bullfrog into a container of cold water. The bullfrog liked it and stayed in the container. The scientists then turned on the heat at the bottom of the container. As the water got warmer, the bullfrog relaxed and took a nap. The bullfrog was so comfortable that it stayed on in the container and was ‘cooked’.

Many of us are like that; we are settled in our comfort zone, and we don’t take risks. Many students and even teachers come to me after my seminars to thank me personally. Usually I give the participants a chance to express their views at the end of the sessions. But very few come to the stage and say a few words. Many want to come but don’t have the courage to face the audience. Their hands get sweaty, heart pounds, and they get a weird feeling in their stomach. Most of them think: “Will I make any mistake? What will others think of me? What if I stutter? Fear stops them from expressing themselves.

Fear is natural to everyone. Whenever we start a new project, take up a new venture, or do something new there is usually a fear of failure. Unfortunately, most people let fear stop them from taking the necessary steps to realize their dreams. Successful people, on the other hand, feel the fear along with the rest of us but don’t let it keep them from doing what they want to do. They have learned to feel the fear and do it anyway.

The comfort zone heavily relies on social conditioning. It started with our parents telling us what to do and what not to, later our teachers told us what is right or wrong, then our friends told us what is acceptable and what is not. When we were young and behaved in a way our parents/teachers didn’t like, they scolded us, and even punished us.

This manifests in our fear of failure, being ridiculed, rejected, being looked down upon, or being judged negatively. This is very true of children. Most children, when they are in their pre-school days, don’t have such fears. But as they grow up they become conscious of what others think of them and they shrink to their comfort zone. Make a list of the things you are afraid of or uncomfortable doing, but know would be beneficial for you. Maybe fear of speaking in public? Asking doubts in class? Meeting new people? Sharing your feelings? Starting a project? Leading a group?

Within your comfort zone you won’t grow. Only when you get out of your comfort zone you begin to grow. Step out now; there is a whole world of opportunities awaiting you.

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Why is chatting on social media fun, but studying, boring? Why is speaking in front of a group daunting? Why do exams make us nervous? Why do we stick around in troubling friendships yet find it upsetting when these friends leave? Why do we want things to be okay and still do nothing when they’re not? How come everything that’s good for us is so difficult? And why does laziness hit us right when we need to be out there in the field, fighting, winning and conquering the game?

We like to stick around in that cosy spot where life is ever so comfortable, like an autopilot mode. Where things are moving at their own pace and we don’t feel the need to have it any faster or slower. No storms, no hurricanes, and of course, no confrontation or challenge either.

But if we look around, we have no barricades around us (we’re not jailed criminals!). What is this space then, that we feel happy confining ourselves to? Outside of which we are nervous, tired, hurt, afraid, unsure or insecure? This is our Comfort Zone — that snug place where there’s no uncertainty, pain or exertion.

Real time or imaginary space?

The comfort zone is not a physical room where we hide to shirk responsibility that’s waiting outside the door. This is an imaginary circle of avoidance within which we create explanations and justifications for not doing all the things we know we should and need to. We might even say we want to do them, but somehow we don’t. Because we believe that these things are agonising and tormenting.

• I get a headache in the sun so I can’t go to the playground.
• I’m low on stamina due to my weight, so I cannot run fast.
• My friends make fun of me so I think I’m better off alone.
• People don’t appreciate my humour, so I will stay quiet.
• I’m not the smartest kid, so I will survive with low grades.
• I don’t have a trainer so what is the point in trying a sport?

What tone can you notice in each of the above statements? Is there a seemingly logical and almost valid justification for refusing to do something that might actually be good for us? It’s undoubtedly effortful, but good in the longer run. But then, are we willing to run that race at all?

Reality check in life

If we want good grades we’ll have to study, and if we’ve got to study we can’t go out to play. If we want to lose weight we should watch our diet but that means no more fries, burgers or cheesecake. To make friends we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable, yet remember that we might face rejection. We get so apprehensive about a perfect performance that we miss the audition and lose the chance to contest at all.

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You set your own limits

Have you heard of Bethany Hamilton? She was born and literally raised in the waters of Hawaii. As a child athlete she won several surfing contests; it only seemed too easy to wade into the waters and dodge the waves like she belonged there. One day when she was 13 and in the water; she lost her left arm and almost her life, to a vicious shark attack.

A shark bit away her arm, yet it took her a mere 30 days to get back into the water, this time with one arm less, but twice the determination and manifold positive attitude! Living without an arm was uncomfortable. But living without accomplishing her dream was even more cumbersome. Two years later she won the first place in the Explorer Women’s Division of the NSSA (National Scholastic Surfing Association) championships in America. Today she’s a professional surfer who lives her dream and never fails to look beyond the horizon. She fails to see limits because she believes there are none. She chooses her comfort zone and it appears that she finds solace in her struggles.

What is this comfort zone?

The comfort zone is an area where inertia and disinterest tend to overpower drive and ambition. It is a conceptual space wherein life is on autopilot, stress is minimal and risk, non-existent. In the comfort zone we feel protected and safe — like the tiny space under the desk where some of us have likely hidden on a dark rainy day when we were children; afraid of the lightning and thundering outside. But how much can we accomplish sitting there? We can’t hide under that desk forever. Someday the thundering might stop or maybe it won’t. Or it might stop today and be back tomorrow. When you become comfortable with the storm, it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing. It does take some resilience nonetheless to accept the chaos and keep working within it with zest and enthusiasm.

Why do we need to step out at all?

We like a worry-free existence, a predictable future and familiar people. We desire care, concern and attention. We want it easy and effortless, and we want it now. And the comfort zone provides just that. There isn’t much wrong with being comfortable. However; if we get too contented, laziness sets in, and we miss the challenges that allow for self-change and personal growth.

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