Dear John,

You feel so anxious about your parents’ well-being and safety and fear the worst will happen to them. Perhaps you are afraid of being left alone in this world, and this makes you over-attached to them!

You cannot control everything that happens, so focus your energy on what you can.

1. Think helpful thoughts: Imagine your thoughts are like a hat — you can choose which to wear. Instead of ‘I don’t…’ or ‘I can’t…’, try these: ‘I may face challenges, but I can overcome them’, ‘When I care about myself, I can take care of my parents better’, ‘God gives me the strength to face life, then why fear?’
2. Take positive action: Find solutions. Some examples: hiring a maid during the day can ensure that your mother has company. Discussing your father’s heart treatment with him can help you feel better prepared to help him if he requires it.
3. Pray: While death is inevitable for everyone, faith in God will help us to accept it when the time comes. Pray, asking God to help you build inner strength.
4. Refocus: Instead of focusing on death, focus on loving your parents and enjoying each moment with them. Help your mum at home; go for a walk with both of them, spend more time with them, do some activities that all the three of you will enjoy. Each day, express gratitude for your parents’ presence in your life.
5. Balance your life: Make friends. The more you connect with others, the happier and healthier you will be. Focus on building a career. Your parents would love to see you happy and well-settled in life.
6. Seek support: Instead of going it alone, seek help to work through your fears — talk to a counsellor, a priest/pastor, a mature friend/an elder.

Fear can be ‘Forget Everything and Run’ or ‘Face Everything and Rise’. The choice is yours.

Subscribe to The Teenager Today print / digital editions for more articles like this.

The post I fear for my parents appeared first on The Teenager Today.

Years ago, some scientists did an experiment on a bullfrog. They threw a bullfrog into a container of boiling water, and the bullfrog instantly popped out of the container. Then they put the bullfrog into a container of cold water. The bullfrog liked it and stayed in the container. The scientists then turned on the heat at the bottom of the container. As the water got warmer, the bullfrog relaxed and took a nap. The bullfrog was so comfortable that it stayed on in the container and was ‘cooked’.

Many of us are like that; we are settled in our comfort zone, and we don’t take risks. Many students and even teachers come to me after my seminars to thank me personally. Usually I give the participants a chance to express their views at the end of the sessions. But very few come to the stage and say a few words. Many want to come but don’t have the courage to face the audience. Their hands get sweaty, heart pounds, and they get a weird feeling in their stomach. Most of them think: “Will I make any mistake? What will others think of me? What if I stutter? Fear stops them from expressing themselves.

Fear is natural to everyone. Whenever we start a new project, take up a new venture, or do something new there is usually a fear of failure. Unfortunately, most people let fear stop them from taking the necessary steps to realize their dreams. Successful people, on the other hand, feel the fear along with the rest of us but don’t let it keep them from doing what they want to do. They have learned to feel the fear and do it anyway.

The comfort zone heavily relies on social conditioning. It started with our parents telling us what to do and what not to, later our teachers told us what is right or wrong, then our friends told us what is acceptable and what is not. When we were young and behaved in a way our parents/teachers didn’t like, they scolded us, and even punished us.

This manifests in our fear of failure, being ridiculed, rejected, being looked down upon, or being judged negatively. This is very true of children. Most children, when they are in their pre-school days, don’t have such fears. But as they grow up they become conscious of what others think of them and they shrink to their comfort zone. Make a list of the things you are afraid of or uncomfortable doing, but know would be beneficial for you. Maybe fear of speaking in public? Asking doubts in class? Meeting new people? Sharing your feelings? Starting a project? Leading a group?

Within your comfort zone you won’t grow. Only when you get out of your comfort zone you begin to grow. Step out now; there is a whole world of opportunities awaiting you.

Read the full article by subscribing to the print or digital editions of THE TEENAGER TODAY.

The post Feel the fear and do it anyway! appeared first on The Teenager Today.

The Nirbhaya case and the Asifa case shook the nation. Unfortunately, the magnitude of crimes against women has been on a steady increase. In a study it was estimated that almost two thousand of married women face domestic violence. The average crime rate is almost twenty or more per one lakh of population. To top it all, the national capital, New Delhi, is also often termed as the crime capital of our country.

Former U.N. Secretary General, Kofi Annan, rightly stated: “There is no tool for development more effective than the empowerment of women.” It’s time the people and the government of our nation understood that development of women is, in fact, the development of the nation.

The Indian government has done a lot in terms of legislations for safeguarding the interests of women. Many laws have been passed since independence to protect their lot. But the law should be over and above everyone and should apply to everybody whether governor or governed. Sadly this is not the case in our country. We so often come across cases where the rich and powerful, the so-called “well connected” people of our society manage to commit crimes without being caught.

Beti Bachao Beti Padao is a big and farsighted campaign by Prime Minister Narendra Modi. But it’s my appeal to him that instead of keeping these schemes on paper something should be done so that the guilty are punished in such a way that nobody dares to commit crimes against women ever in their wildest dreams. Make the judicial system such that the perpetrators are punished immediately. Justice delayed is also justice denied.

Women deserve a better position and status in society. Their destiny should not be governed by a mere loss in the gender toss. India’s women, for ages, have taken charge even on the battlefield and fought for their country and freedom. God has made women with a perfect blend of strength and tenderness.

Though our Constitution provides many rights to the female section of our society, we are still far behind in achieving the equality the Constitution talks about. The most important need at this hour is to educate and sensitize male members of society so that they stop their discriminatory practices towards women. For this to happen, first of all, efforts should begin from our homes where we must empower female members of our family by providing them with equal opportunities of education, health, and decision-making without any discrimination. Because India can become a powerful nation only if it truly empowers its women. And only then will we awake in a country “where the mind is without fear and the head held high…”

The post “Where the mind is without fear…” appeared first on The Teenager Today.

Fear generally is an irrational emotion as most of our fears are not based on facts. It cripples our actions and destroys our peace of mind. Unfortunately, we are sometimes bogged down with fears for the major part of our lives. This emotion arises from lack of faith in ourselves, others and God. We wrongly believe that we are just not good enough to perform a certain task or to face a given challenge. Great individuals have faced the challenge of overcoming these fears. They succeeded in overcoming these fears instead of being their slaves. What are some of these fears?

Criticism: “People will criticize” is a self-talk that is a major deterrent to moving forward. Critics will dog our footsteps whatever we do or say. Constructive criticism is a blessing for it could help us to move forward. When I just embarked on writing as a hobby, I sent an article to the then editor of Woman’s Era. It was a descriptive article about my daily commute to work and back. I wrote at length about the sights from the window, the people I met, and so on. My contribution came back with a short note from the editor suggesting that I re-write the piece so as to give some tips to the readers about commuting by train. This was valuable advice coming from an expert and stood me in good stead in the years to come.

Mean, destructive criticism is generally a sign of either jealousy (Self-talk: “She paints better than me”) or a false sense of superiority (Self-talk: “I am the best artist around and look down on these amateurs.”) We are all given talents in varying degrees by a good God for reasons He knows best. All of us cannot be Michelangelo. But all of us can maximize our talents for our benefit and for those around us.

Failure: Failure, it is said, is the stepping stone to success. Thomas Alva Edison, the American inventor and businessman, was called the ‘Wizard of Menlow Park’. Menlow Park was the institution he set up for constant technological inventions and improvements on inventions. The electric bulb, for instance, was the result of a number of experiments. It is irrational to be afraid of failing.

Success and fame: Famous musicians and film stars have been known to dread the time when they are no longer in the limelight, when their fans forget them and turn their attention to someone younger. Their constant fear is whether they can manage to maintain the same level of success they had during their younger days. They go through the torture of surgery to lose pounds and resort to botox to artificially retain their youthful looks. Their lives would be so much simpler and happier if they could accept the reality of advancing age.

Read the full article by subscribing to the print magazine or the digital edition.

The post Crippling fear appeared first on The Teenager Today.

There are no cockroaches in Manhattan, where I’m living at the moment, at least they are not as visible or apparent as they are in my country, but, nearly every train, subway or metro, bus and even taxis carry a message about how the cockroach is lurking, waiting, behind sinks, between boards, and under sofas, just waiting to catch you unaware! All the ads talk about is being prepared with some spray, pesticide or other, and the people wait, spray in hand for that poor brown-winged fellow to appear and yet I say, there are no cockroaches I’ve seen!

I went to a mall yesterday and found toothpicks being sold, mentioning some disease or other you could get by not using a toothpick of the highest brand! Imagine even the simple piece of wood you shoved so gracelessly between your teeth had some who were waiting to tear your precious teeth apart!

And the public read the advertising, fall victim to the marketing strategies and buy them in thousands!

Fear is the key!

Read the full article by subscribing to the print magazine or the digital edition.

The post Cockroaches and toothpicks! appeared first on The Teenager Today.

Most days in life start with the usual chores, typical routines, everyday duties and responsibilities, and pre-determined processes. Many may call this life boring and mundane. And then some wish to make this life more interesting, fascinating and stimulating by daring to be different, adventurous or even out of the box. In general, life offers limited guarantees; the only surety is that of its end. It is that lone truth that drives each one to accomplish the best within our time here. That truth, in many ways, ought to drive each one of us to wiser choices and rational decisions. However, just because life is going to end, one has no reason to ‘not live’ it. Life itself exemplifies change, growth and revolution. Effort and endurance are options that you are free to take even though favourable outcomes aren’t always your choice. All human activities involve risks, some more than others. The potential that an action will lead to loss, failure and damage explains the urgency of making the right choice. But the thing is risks will always exist and that must not instill fear of diving into the deep waters. Rational and sound judgement can help outweigh the risks and add adventure without danger or uncertainty. Life comes with no duration of warranty but we still live it. And if we could, we should live it to the fullest.

Fear: an accelerator and a handbrake

Gavin de Becker, a bestselling author and public figure, insisted that true fear is the biggest gift of all. It is a survival signal that sounds solely in the incidence of real danger. You can never get to know the flavour of the tea leaves enough unless they’re dropped in hot water.

Read the full article by subscribing to the print magazine or the digital edition.

The post The truth about risks appeared first on The Teenager Today.