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Dear S.M., thank you for opening up for the first time. I can imagine how tough this situation has been for you. I do not suggest you open up to anyone who you are not comfortable with. When we share something with someone, we generally expect certain answers of reassurance, and if you are not getting those and don’t feel validated enough, it is best not to disclose your past. I also feel it is very important for every person to have a source of venting. If you don’t receive that from someone known, I suggest you speak to your school counsellor who will certainly guide you better. Being in a traumatic household, focusing on studies can be very difficult, however, I also want you to know that if you wish to live separately in the long run, you would need to be independent financially and emotionally. One of the keys to this is by focusing on your academics now so you can be capable enough to move out and find yourself the right sources. At this point you are very young and naïve; I don’t want you to fall prey to any bad influence or listen to anyone advising you wrongly. Your past will take time to get buried, but what you do in your present will ultimately curate your future.

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I want to live your thoughts
To know what your dreams are.
I want to breathe you
And hear your silent sighs.

I want to hear your unspoken words
To know what you feel each moment.
I want to hear all your feelings
And set you free…

So let me in to see your darkness
Show me why your world is so cold.
Give me your hand,
I will walk you into the sunshine
And give my all to make you whole!

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“How are you?” — I’m okay! translated as: I’m fine! That’s the usual jargon when you do not want to say anything more in particular. Conventional fill-ins or start-and-finish-and-be-done-with-it tactics. Just a hello… bye-bye!

Then if one day, instead of the usual expected answer you are confronted with a: “Umm, I’m not okay, not good!” the whole conversation takes on a different tune. A concerned: “Really? What’s up?” Then the two become more personal as one relates to the other his/her frame of mind or body. Things are not okay!

The “I’m fine, I’m okay” conversation stops with the exchange of these meaningless niceties, and we thus miss a chance to really encounter the other person in his/her actual reality, or to disclose the pain we hold in our own heart. The “I’m fine” response can be a cover-up or mask we put on when we don’t intend or don’t dare or feel too embarrassed to reveal ourselves to the other at a deeper and more personal level. We miss the chance to be really in contact with another. We isolate or alienate ourselves, recoiling into our proverbial shell, and we try to live life alone.

What a blessing, if one day we find someone to whom we can honestly say: “I’m not okay…” What concern, what tenderness, even what healing we forfeit in those other shallow encounters!

To be ‘not okay’ is okay. Nobody is ‘okay’ all the time! Nor for that matter is anyone ‘not okay’ all the time! The not-okay intervals in life are actually life-savers. They are the breathing spaces God gives us in our endless pursuit of who knows what. They show us our humanness and can be wonderful moments to enjoy our vulnerability, our need for each other, to pause in our needless striving to play God, or to pose as the impeccable, perfect and all-holy ones that we are actually not! It is a time for introspection, for sifting priorities — what actually is important and what can wait, a stopping at the crossroads, a precious moment of taking in what life is all about, how life is treating me and how I am dealing with that wonderful gift of life that God has given me.

A time to watch the stars, to hear the birds sing, to see the waves lapping the shore, to enjoy the gentle breeze of an otherwise warm evening and to listen to the music of creation … in a word to stop and just take in the mystery and wonder of life. We usually don’t have time for all this in our hectic ‘okay states’ when we feel on top of the world, full of pep and energy, sure of ourselves and gloating over our achievements. But when our feet drag in a ‘not okay’ situation, when we are filled with uncertainty, or fear, or disappointment … that is the moment of grace God was waiting for… to touch us, to speak to us, to let us feel Him near, very near, nearer than we ever thought possible.

God loves us most in our ‘not okay’ states. When someone discloses to Him his/her brokenness, or when God sees someone in trouble! God is closest to us when we are down and disheartened. No, let me correct myself. We are more aware of God, His love and protection, when we are down and disheartened.

Thus these ‘not okay’ moments are blessings in disguise, a way in which God tries to break through our reserve to reach us and to raise our faltering spirits, very much as children get more attention from their parents when they are sick or in trouble. He is there for us all the time, but we become more aware of Him especially when our own self-sufficiency is depleted or we are at the end of our tether.

How beautiful are Your ways, O Lord,
Far beyond anything we can imagine.
You raise us when we fall.
You are there when no one else is.
You are our God. We, your children, the work of your Fatherly hands!

So do not hesitate to open your aching heart to Him, who knows us and loves us more than we can ever imagine. Sometimes He sends us His messenger, in the guise of an understanding friend. Grasp the occasion, don’t shy away. You’d be missing out on something very precious.

“How are you?”

“Umm, I’m not okay…”

It’s okay to be ‘not okay’!

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Yes, indeed. It is sometimes a bed of thorns we are compelled to sleep on with no end in sight.

When misfortune befalls an intrinsically good person, it is not only his near and dear ones who are affected but others as well. They start to think, “Why did this happen? He did not deserve this. It may happen to us.” They try to rationalize, “Perhaps God is punishing him for the sins of his ancestors.”

The truth of the matter is that sickness, pain and death are an intrinsic part and parcel of life. All the wealth of the richest person cannot save him from pain. If life was just plain sailing with no storms off and on, then it would be boring. Suffering throws up challenges which make us resilient and resourceful, provided we take it positively.

Obsessed about why something painful and irreversible happened to us is not going to drive away the pain. There are ordinary, everyday people and famous individuals who have taught us that the only way forward is accepting the inevitable. For instance, a soldier who has lost a leg when stepping on a landmine has to accept that his leg is gone. But naturally he will be bitter at first and think, “God, why did you let this happen to me?” Actually it was not God’s will nor His hand that hid the landmine but that of a fellow human being. But if bitter thoughts pervade his mind, he has effectively handicapped himself more than the landmine. His next step, both figuratively and realistically, would be to learn to walk with an artificial leg.

The famous tenor, Andrea Bocelli, was born blind. But that did not stop him from spreading cheer and reaching great heights in his career. Deepa Malik is a confident para-athlete who has won medals in various sporting events including the Paralympics. She has won accolades for her participation in adventure sports and is also a motivational speaker.

A person who has been hale and hearty and suddenly suffers from a debilitating illness may find it more difficult to accept his fate than a person who has been born with a disability. The demise of the breadwinner could be a very difficult situation for his family to accept. At such times, an unshakeable trust in God is a quality that has stood many in good stead. Stella was a kindergarten teacher who lost her husband unexpectedly. She had three young mouths to feed, clothe and educate. She started a nursery for toddlers which she ran in the mornings. The rest of the days flew by as she was busy cooking and looking after her kids. She would bake cakes and make sweets for sale after the kids went to sleep. Prayers and faith got her through those difficult years.

To me a true hero or heroine is not the dancing-around-trees type. He or she is someone who has wholeheartedly forgiven a criminal who has killed his/her family members. One such person is Gladys Staines. She, her husband and three children lived in Baripada, Odisha, where they took care of leprosy patients. One fateful night her husband Graham and two small sons Philip and Timothy were brutally burnt alive by fanatics. Shortly after the perpetrators of the crime were sentenced; but Gladys said that she forgave them. Her only desire was that the killers repent and reform. She continued to stay and serve the leprosy patients she loved for several years before moving back to Australia.

Those who have overcome mental and physical challenges, who have faced tragedy and difficult times in a positive way, are beacons of hope to all of us.

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Then I lost you somewhere
Along the way.
There were no fights or disagreements
Our puzzle just broke.
Piece by piece it fell apart;
Soon it disappeared.
I’ve tried to get it back,
I’ve done everything.
The pieces of the puzzle
Just don’t fit together anymore.
I found your pieces reconnecting
With new pieces.
My pieces were left torn and shattered
Alone in their box.

I just want one last look
At that beautiful puzzle we shared.
Even though it won’t help me get over the pain,
The pain that has ruled my life for months,
I just can’t close the cover to that puzzle box now.

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I strive my best to cover up,
I keep my sentiments in line,
I try to recall your face,
And I try to act just fine.
But oh, that precious face of yours,
And your balladry on my mind,
Trust me, it isn’t that simple,
To catch hold of time.

I spend hours envisaging scenarios,
That is how my nights pass,
With just memories on my mind,
And a mordant soreness in my heart.
I ruminate on ways of telling,
That you give me the incentive to write,
From my words to my pseudonym,
You give a meaning to my rhymes.

And it is you who kill me every day,
But it is you who have kept me sentient,
Yes, there is a heart that beats stilly,
But there aren’t any emotions left,
I know I fell for the right person,
But maybe my fate was flawed,
That love wasn’t meant for me,
And our conditions will tear me apart.

And this pain keeps escalating,
The heartache keeps me awake,
And hardly am I able to close my eyes,
When the sunlight kisses my face.
And before I realize, it is morning already,
And I am where I was yesterday,
Effete, because I want to delineate so many things,
But there is nothing I can do or say.

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