Your life is the product of the moment-to-moment choices you make. By working on instilling winning habits into your life you can achieve the direction or the path you’ve always desired. Eliminate your bad habits and instil needed positive habits in your life, and you can take your life in any direction you desire, to the heights of your greatest imagination. Let me show you how…

Human beings are creatures of habit. Aristotle wrote, “We are what we repeatedly do.” Merriam Webster defines habit as “an acquired mode of behaviour that has become nearly or completely involuntary.” Psychological studies reveal that 95 per cent of everything we feel, think, do and achieve is a result of a learned habit or trait. Our habits and routines allow us to use minimal conscious energy for everyday tasks that is a general factor of intelligence. They help reduce decision making and handle most situations well. For example, brushing your teeth in the morning, putting on a seat belt in a car and healthy eating habits. Since we don’t have to think about the mundane, we can focus our mental energy on more creative and enriching thoughts. Habits can be helpful as long as they are good habits. A daily routine built on good habits is what separates the most successful people from everyone else. Their habits take them in the direction of becoming more informed, more knowledgeable, more competent, better skilled and better prepared. We, too, can instil good habits and become a person with winning traits.

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I used to love watching boxing matches, especially when they were on the silver screen and you know what the outcome is going to be: Dishum, dishum, dishum, dishum; one shot after another! You shudder as the hero finally gets knocked down.

Then you wait with baited breath, knowing something dramatic is going to happen, after all, that’s why the movie was a success, wasn’t it? And then it happens; the hero, now your hero, opens one eye, then the other, eyelids as bloodied as the make-up man could have made them, without using the whole tomato ketchup bottle! Then in front of a disbelieving crowd and a sneering, leering opponent the victim holds onto the ropes, clambers onto his feet… but there’s a difference. The blood is still there, the bruises even more visible, the eyelids still half closed, the knees still buckling, but like I said there’s a difference.

The body language says it all; there’s a steely glint in his eye, a forcefulness in his fists, the legs though buckling are muscle taut, and you know, oh yes, you know that your hero is not going to let you down. You want to get up from your comfortable seat, because it’s going to happen; you’re going to get your money’s worth of revenge and you watch your severely battered hero swinging, with focus and determination, his fists directly into the face and body of his opponent.

The fight has changed, your hero got up and hit back!

It’s all in reel life, isn’t it? Never really happens in real life?

But it does, day after day: Men, women, young and old, after falling flat on their faces, get up, wipe the dirt away, flick their hands over their muddied, bruised bodies, fight back, and win.

Even as they fell, they know the fight wasn’t over yet.

A few years ago, when I ran my own business, it was a disappointing day when we lost an order we had tried quite desperately for, and at my office next morning, my managers and supervisors and salesmen sat quite dejected, till I walked in, sat on my chair and asked them what our formula was when we lost an order.

They all grinned; they knew that for every lost order we worked that extra hard to get three times more. Most often we did! I miss those battling days, though nowadays the fight is on other issues.

Whatever your fall is today: lost job, crippling disease, a lost love, whatever; the fight ain’t over till you get up. It doesn’t happen in reel life only, it’s true in reality too, just get up onto your feet, fight back, start winning!

Just dare to get up!

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Each one of us is born with the capacity to win in life. Each person has a unique way of seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, and thinking. Each one can be a significant, thinking and creative being—a productive person, a winner!

The word “winner” has many meanings. When we refer to a person as a winner, we do not mean one who makes someone else lose. A true winner is one who responds authentically by being credible, trustworthy, responsive, and genuine, both as an individual and as a member of a group/society. A loser is one who fails to respond authentically. Martin Buber makes this distinction as he retells the story of the rabbi who, on his deathbed, was asked if he was ready for the world to come. The rabbi said, yes. After all, he will not be asked, “Why were you not yourself?”

Few people are one hundred percent winners or one hundred percent losers. It’s a matter of degree. However, once a person is on the road to being a winner, his or her chances are greater for becoming even more so. Winners have different potentials. Achievement is not the most important thing. Authenticity is. The authentic person experiences self-reality by knowing, being, and becoming a credible, responsive person. Authentic people actualize their own unprecedented uniqueness and appreciate the uniqueness of others.

Authentic persons/winners do not dedicate their lives to a concept of what they imagine they should be; rather, they are themselves and as such do not use their energy putting on a performance, maintaining pretence, and manipulating others. Winners can reveal themselves instead by projecting images that please, provoke, or entice others. They are aware that there is a difference between being loving and acting to be loving, between being stupid and acting stupid, between being knowledgeable and acting knowledgeable.

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“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
– African Proverb

Mount Lambak is situated in Johor state in Malaysia. In Malay, it is called Gunung Lambak. The summit is about 1400 metres high. On 25 March 2016, I accompanied a group of fellow runners from Simei Runners of Singapore for a day’s hike. About ten of us arrived at the bottom of the mountain and started our climb around twelve noon. The weather was cloudy and very suitable for a climb. Though it was my first hike ever, I knew I was physically fit to undertake such a feat. I was mentally prepared for it. Half an hour into hiking, we had to undertake a steep climb to reach one of the summits.

Only five of us challenged ourselves to climb that steep mountain. The remaining took an easier and less challenging route to the summit. I was the last person and the young people ahead of me climbed fast. I tried to catch up but I could not. I was gasping for air. When I looked up a few times, I saw my group much ahead of me.

Suddenly, a thought of fear came over me. What if something happens to me? If I let go of the roots of the tree I was holding onto for support, I knew that I would end up at the bottom. I could not see them anymore, the dense forest made it impossible for me to take an alternate route down. At that moment, a small rock rolled down from above. A quick move to the side saved me from being hit by it. I was scared. I asked myself, why did I take this route when there was an easier one? I realized that the rock could have rolled down because someone had stepped on it. I called them to ensure that they could hear me.

After a few attempts, I got a response. I could not see them but the thought that they were somewhere near gave me a sense of relief. I asked them to stay until I caught up. After almost twenty minutes, I reached them gasping and panting for breath. I could not utter a word. I sat there for a few minutes and stabilized my breathing. They gave me some drink. We motivated and encouraged each other. We took a few more breaks in between and finally made it to the summit.

I learned a few life lessons that day. Always stick with like-minded people, if you want to go far. None of my close friends would have helped me to achieve it. They don’t climb mountains, they don’t run marathons, and they don’t take challenges the way I do. They are good at other things, so when I am with them we do things which interest both.

In order to achieve such goals, I joined the adventurous group Simei Runners. Joining the right group or forming the right group will help you get to your goal faster. The second lesson I learned was that preparation is the key to success. I knew I was physically fit but did not carry water as advised by the team leader. I was thirsty along the way but didn’t have water. Only when I caught up with my team did I get some water to quench my thirst. I did not listen to them when they told me the climb is going to be tough. Things could be easier if you are in the right group that stands by you in times of turbulence. As the saying goes “Different strokes for different folks”. You must have different support groups for different purposes.

I learned yet another important lesson for life, that day; it is very difficult for us to succeed alone. We need support from other people and without that support most goals are unreachable. Your support group might have parents, teachers, friends, relatives, etc., who sincerely wish your success. They are the ones who push you when you are in doubt and the ones who lift you up when you fall.

Support groups offer a combination of brainstorming, educational, peer accountability and support in a group setting to sharpen your studies, career, social or personal skills. A support group helps you in achieving success. You could plan a support group in your school in partnership with your teachers and some parents who could help you with new ideas and experiences.

My mentor always told me to watch out whom I associate with. He always encouraged me to surround myself with winners who could accelerate my success. So I always hang around people I have respect for, not people who I have influence over. The people I have influence over will never challenge me and I will never get to improve. I am not saying you must ignore them. But if you are aiming big you have to stretch yourself beyond their expectations.

Only successful people who have built the muscles for such stretching can help you at these critical moments. I joined the Toastmasters Club in order to grow as a speaker; I joined the runners group so that I can embrace a healthy lifestyle. I joined various clubs and organizations so that I get the right kind of support.

Be very selective in choosing your support group. Don’t end up in a group that indulges in gossip or extremism. I have discontinued from certain groups, as I realized that it would not help me grow or sometimes, it’s against my value system.

If you hang around with big thinkers and visionaries for long enough, you will eventually start thinking like them. Such a group will challenge you and encourage you to be your best, to continuously strive to reach a higher level of performance.

I have been a part of many support groups since 2012. Such groups have profoundly shaped my life and career. Over a period of time, by reading good books and associating with winners I began to believe more in myself. It is said that ninety per cent of success depends on who you regularly associate with. Winners will always lift you up. Losers will always pull you down. There are energy suckers all around you, don’t get into such groups.

If you want to be an author, you need to associate with people who are interested in reading, writing and publishing. If you associate with the wrong group, your dream of becoming an author will have a premature death. Likewise if you want to be a speaker, associate with organisations like Toastmasters in your area. If you want to be an entrepreneur, you must associate with entrepreneurs.

There are many people around us who are convinced that everything is impossible, and they are quick to shoot down ideas. They’ll poison your mind into a state of hopelessness. Don’t let them get into your support groups and steal your dreams just because they’ve lost theirs. Instead, surround yourself with supportive and passionate people who can inspire you and bring out the best in you.

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A person’s positive attitude plays a vital role in achieving success. Jeevan D’Cunha in the cover story of this issue enumerates how ‘ragging’ which has a negative connotation can be replaced  and exercised in a positive way through ‘mentoring’ to welcome and empower the freshers in a collage. Positive thinking will increase your resilience, maintain hope and keep you winning. For some people, optimism comes naturally, but for most, it is an attitude towards life that must be fostered and achieved. Developing and strengthening practical optimism is one of the most effective ways of building a powerful personality.

A ‘be positive’ attitude will keep one cheerful, serene and hopeful in good times as well as bad. Positive people will strive towards happiness, health and success and believe they can overcome obstacles and challenges. An optimistic attitude will keep you growing and blooming even when you run into opposition and stumbling blocks in your life, and when the going gets tough and you meet with any disaster or catastrophe. Positive thinking will take you an extra mile in life and help you bounce back quickly from setbacks. It will help you overcome any barriers and keep your spirit high in the face of stressful situations, fears and doubts.

A positive mindset will help you interpret experiences positively and keep you persistent in your efforts. You respond to all obstacles and setbacks with calmness, determination and innovative problem-solving attitude. Taking full responsibility for your decisions and actions will help you to make the best use of your abilities.  Your positive attitude will give you limitless potential for achieving your goals, discovering opportunities in every difficulty and visualizing realistic alternative solutions and rehearse success in your mind.

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time,” says Thomas Edison. To be successful in life you need to make a commitment to optimism by choosing the optimistic road which may be less travelled. A dream becomes impossible only in your thinking. Your success depends on how often you bounce back from failure. Yesterday is not yours to recover, but tomorrow is yours to win. Be positive and win.

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