Do these thoughts ever bother you to a point that you get exasperated?

• You talk to me like I don’t know anything!
• You don’t care about how I feel or what I think!
• I do my best but nothing good comes out of it!
• I study hard but I am unable to get good grades!
• Everyone else is so lucky, easy, and stress free!
• You always ask me to do way too much, it’s unfair!

If some or all of these statements are true for you, you are likely to have LFT. LFT is an acronym for Low Frustration Tolerance. It means irritation, disturbance and annoyance when things don’t go the way we want or expect. Obviously nobody is going to rejoice when his or her plan is thwarted. But have you noticed how some people are so calm and relaxed about everything that goes on around them? And we think that things always work out for them, no matter what? Quite often we might even envy them for the uncomplicatedness of their life and complexity of ours. And our golden defence becomes…

Why is it so hard for me and so easy for everyone else?

All our reactions to events and people around us are rooted in automated thoughts inside our brain. These are learned from some or the other experience and if negative, we make negative assumptions our reality. Think about some of these described below.

‘I’m stuck’

Many teenagers feel like they’re stuck no matter what environment they’re in. You could feel imprisoned in your own home, trapped in school, caught in tuition, maybe even jammed in a friends’ group you don’t want to be in. You sense that you don’t have freedom to choose all or any of these scenarios for yourself. This is insecurity. Simply because someone else made the decision and not you, you tend to feel that your autonomy is challenged. And you don’t like it. And this can you get frustrated.

Unstick yourself

• Know that obedience and humility sets you free.
• Gently accept reality that unfolds itself to you.
• Be open and accepting, and connect with people.

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I sat in my seat next to the window in the Airbus that was taking me from Bangalore to Mumbai the other day, and heard the voice of the pilot over the PA system, “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, “We will be hitting turbulence for a while, but trust me, I will take you up just above the clouds!”

I looked out of my window, and all I saw was a huge expanse of grey. It was not nice to look at and I shuddered as there were even streaks of threatening lightning, and the aircraft rocked a bit. I heard a passenger sighing worriedly behind me, and in the seat next to me, was sure the woman was tense as her fingers gripped the armrest tightly and brushed my elbow.

And then I felt the Airbus lift. It fought the clouds, it cut through the grey and like a knife went through the threatening turbulence and suddenly I saw the most spectacular sight: there over the clouds, the sun was shining, bright and happy. It peeped in through the window, as if telling all of us, “Hey, I was up there all the time, waiting for you!”

I leaned into my window and looked down. There below were the clouds. Like mild sheep in a meadow, they appeared harmless, gentle and innocent, not for a moment looking like the formidable fighting, threatening forces we had fought our way through.

Just above the clouds the sun still shines, doesn’t it? How often we face treacherous, terrible days when we are buffeted around like nine pins on a bowling range. Bewildered and broken we cry out to everybody. We weep, we hit our heads in frustration, sometimes in anger against the wall, against huge problem, and feel it won’t go away.

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Have you ever looked at a toddler, in the throes of a tantrum, at the mall or the multiplex, and enviously wished that you could do the same? Did you watch The Avengers and wish you could turn into the big, green colossal Hulk and swat or smash the things that got in your way or irritate you? If you have, I can reassure you that you’re not alone.

I know I have!

When Bruce Banner turns to Captain America and says “That’s my secret? I’m ALWAYS angry,” I could feel my friends all turn to me with knowing looks, and it was all I could do to not turn into my ow version of the Hulk right then!

Truth be told, I still like to indulge in a rant — catch hold of a willing (or helpless!) friend and vent out all my frustrations. I have to be careful to avoid doing that too often though.After all, we have been taught over the years that anger is juvenile. Right?

We have been told to grow up. Rein it in. Suck it up.Move on. Let it go. Forget about it. And, a few other combinations of verbs!

We have been advised that whatever we’re angry about is temporary or not worth our time and energy. We’re like that only. Just adjust. It is the way it is. What can you do about it. And, other combinations of rhetoric!

We have also been reassured that it will all pass. It will be okay. It’s alright. All is well.

Over the years, we have been conditioned to believe that temper tantrums are for toddlers and rants in angst should be left behind with our teenage years. It has been reinforced that anger is a negative emotion to be suppressed and overcome, and rarely, if ever, to be expressed.

But is it really such a bad thing to feel angry? It’s natural, isn’t it?

Anger, after all, is an important emotion. It is an indication that you feel deeply about something, it can be a powerful call to action. Anger can also present a warning, a red flag waving in your tracks, indicating a time to slow down, stop and change. If channeled right, anger can be transformed into something positive and passionate.

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