Leaving your comfort zone is very difficult and sometimes painful. In my book, DARE, I have a chapter, “Dare to leave your comfort zone”, but today I’m not going to quote from my book, but from a story, possibly a true one, written by Katherina Seidler:

‘The waves were rhythmically sloshing beneath the keel of the Santa Maria, the flag atop the mast was fluttering above the billowing sail.

The East wind had been blowing for 36 days!

Pedro leaned over the railing and stared with burning eyes as the Canary Islands disappeared over the horizon. “What are you dreaming about, Pedro?” asked Columbus as he placed an encouraging hand on the sailor’s shoulder.

“Land is disappearing, Admiral; there go the last mountain-tops of Spain,” said Pedro wistfully, and with a deep sigh continued, “And out here there is nothing but the East wind. How can we ever get back to Spain with that? My wife and children are waiting for me at Palos.”

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In my book, DARE, there is chapter on being both ruthless and compassionate, and I give the example of my teacher: Her name was Miss Bailey, she was English and she taught me in junior school. She cycled to school on a beautiful bike crafted in England, and on entering the school gate, she would hand over her graceful machine to any one of us eager boys or girls who would rush forward to park it for her.

It was a privilege when Miss Bailey handed her bicycle to you. One day Shankar stood at the gate: Shankar was a hunchback. We laughed, “Move out of the way. Shankar, Miss Bailey is going to enter!” Miss Bailey drove in and we all rushed offering our little hands to her for help. But Miss Bailey looked past us all.

Where was the kind Miss Bailey, we wondered. But she was looking past us at Shankar, and we shuddered. Was she going to make Shankar try to wheel the cycle, so he could fall and be the butt of our jokes? 

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I used to love watching boxing matches, especially when they were on the silver screen and you know what the outcome is going to be: Dishum, dishum, dishum, dishum; one shot after another! You shudder as the hero finally gets knocked down.

Then you wait with baited breath, knowing something dramatic is going to happen, after all, that’s why the movie was a success, wasn’t it? And then it happens; the hero, now your hero, opens one eye, then the other, eyelids as bloodied as the make-up man could have made them, without using the whole tomato ketchup bottle! Then in front of a disbelieving crowd and a sneering, leering opponent the victim holds onto the ropes, clambers onto his feet… but there’s a difference. The blood is still there, the bruises even more visible, the eyelids still half closed, the knees still buckling, but like I said there’s a difference.

The body language says it all; there’s a steely glint in his eye, a forcefulness in his fists, the legs though buckling are muscle taut, and you know, oh yes, you know that your hero is not going to let you down. You want to get up from your comfortable seat, because it’s going to happen; you’re going to get your money’s worth of revenge and you watch your severely battered hero swinging, with focus and determination, his fists directly into the face and body of his opponent.

The fight has changed, your hero got up and hit back!

It’s all in reel life, isn’t it? Never really happens in real life?

But it does, day after day: Men, women, young and old, after falling flat on their faces, get up, wipe the dirt away, flick their hands over their muddied, bruised bodies, fight back, and win.

Even as they fell, they know the fight wasn’t over yet.

A few years ago, when I ran my own business, it was a disappointing day when we lost an order we had tried quite desperately for, and at my office next morning, my managers and supervisors and salesmen sat quite dejected, till I walked in, sat on my chair and asked them what our formula was when we lost an order.

They all grinned; they knew that for every lost order we worked that extra hard to get three times more. Most often we did! I miss those battling days, though nowadays the fight is on other issues.

Whatever your fall is today: lost job, crippling disease, a lost love, whatever; the fight ain’t over till you get up. It doesn’t happen in reel life only, it’s true in reality too, just get up onto your feet, fight back, start winning!

Just dare to get up!

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How often we meet people who after saying something tasteless, remark in defence, “Forgive me for being blunt, but I’m made that way!”

Some time back, a friend of mine decided to start writing poetry, and sent me his first poem. My attitude towards reading that poem even before I saw it was, “Let me make him a great poet!” Which meant that I had to build him up, and then gently criticize if there was need for criticism; though in his case there was no need for it.

Yes, we have to speak out, but there’s a way to do so. Remember, “A soft answer turneth away wrath!” 

When you speak out, learn to speak out not just to be heard, but to be able to change things. Tact is needed. Diplomacy has to be practised. Gentleness is an asset.  

Also, very often, we show our own lack of knowledge when we criticize:

An elderly man who was very nearsighted thought of himself as an expert in evaluating art. One day he visited a museum with his friends. He had forgotten his glasses and couldn’t see the paintings clearly, but that did not stop him from airing his strong opinions.

As soon as they walked into the gallery, he started critiquing the various paintings. Stopping before what he thought was a full-length portrait, he began to criticize it.

With an air of superiority, he began, “The frame is altogether out of keeping with the picture. The man in the picture is too homely and shabbily dressed. In fact, it was a great mistake for the artist to select such a shoddy subject for his portrait!”

The old fellow was babbling on and on, when his wife finally managed to pull him aside, and whispered into his ear, “My dear, you are looking into a mirror!”

After you have laughed, let’s quickly go through the incident: The old man had not worn his glasses, which meant he was not equipped to judge, like many of us, who without knowledge or learning give our opinion on something we don’t know.

He was actually judging himself in the mirror, which shows he was actually criticizing his own inadequateness while thinking it was a painting.

Many of us do this when our criticism springs out of our own insecurity! As a wise man said, “It is the peculiar quality of a fool to perceive the faults of others not knowing it is his own!”

In my book DARE, in the chapter, Dare to Speak out, I have quoted Frederick Faber who says: “The art of saying appropriate words in a kindly way is one that never goes out of fashion, never ceases to please and is within the reach of the humblest.”

Let’s dare to ‘unblunt’ ourselves!

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Last month, I was asked to be the Chief Guest and give the Valedictory Address to the students of a school in Mumbai who were passing out, and I decided to speak from my book DARE, which was recently launched.

“Dare to make an ass of yourself!” I told the students, which is the title of one of the chapters in DARE. The students were a bit startled, and I realized that for years they had been told to do just the opposite.

“Have any of you taken part in public speaking?” I asked.

A girl in the last row put up her hand to tell me how she wanted to take part in a TED talk show, and how scared she’d felt.

“You decided that even if you made an ass of yourself, you’d go ahead?” I asked, but she said that she had been too scared.

I told them how at another talk a young lady in the front row who appeared quite shy and diffident put her hand up and told me that it was okay for people like me to speak in public but shy people like her couldn’t.

“Once upon a time, not too long ago, I was shy like you,” I told her.

“You?” she asked astonished.

“And then,” I said, “I decided to learn to speak in public.”

“What did you do?” she whispered.

“I visualized myself on a stage like this. I perceived myself speaking to an audience like you all and I set about developing a persistent belief that I could do it.”

There was silence in that hall. “Then,” I said, “I decided to make an ass of myself! I wrote to different organizations telling them that I would like to address them on some particular subject. Can you guess what the subject was?”

“Writing?” she asked.”

“Public speaking,” I smiled. “The first to reply was a neighbourhood club. They asked me to speak to them on the elements of public speaking. I nearly fainted with nervousness when I accepted the invitation.”

“And did you speak?” she asked.

“Yes!” I said with a grin. “I was scared but I spoke, and today I am not afraid to speak in public anymore!”

“What is it you want to do next?” she asked, as the others in the room laughed.

“To sing a solo in public,” I said.

“Are you afraid?” she asked.

“Very,” I said, “but the day I can visualize myself doing it and develop a persistent desire to excel in it, I know I will succeed.

“Dare to make an ass of yourself,” I told the students, “and that is what separates a Bill Gates and many others from the rest of the world!” I left the school hoping I had made new asses of the students, and do the same with each of you my readers — “Dare to make an ass of yourself!”

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As my book Dare gets ready to be launched, I don’t miss an opportunity to go to book stores and see what the competition is like. “How’s the sale of your motivational books?” I ask a book seller.

“Sometimes beats fiction sales!” he says happily, making me also very happy and then I frown, “But then we should have a nation of successful people!” I think, “What then is wrong?”

And in my mind’s eye I see a young boy. “Listen young fellow, what have you been doing the last few days?” I ask the boy.

“Learning cricket from this bestseller!”

“That’s written by one of our greatest batsmen…” I tell him.

“Yes,” says the enthusiastic fellow, “I’ve read this book from cover to cover! See this picture, this is a square drive, can you see how the batsman has his feet on the ground and just look at his stance!”

“Yes!” I agree.

“See this is how you bowl a googly, and this is a Yorker. Now turn to page 52, there those are pictures of the world’s greatest catches…”

“Wonderful!” I tell him.

“I know every page of the book,” he tells me, “Ask me anything from it, ask how I should stand at slips, how to hit a ball to mid-off, and what a cover drive is.”

“You’ve really learnt a lot,” I tell him, “So with all this learning, what does that make you?”

“A test cricketer!” he shouts gleefully.

I turn away from the young hopeful and look at you, “Does that really make him a test cricketer? Does mastering a book on cricket make anybody a cricketer? Does reading how to hold a bat or bowl a ball, make him a future great in Indian cricket? A Virat Kohli in the making?”

No, it doesn’t.

So, what does?

Getting onto the field, into the hurly burly of the game, of running between wickets! Running after the ball, catching it, throwing it to the wicket keeper. That’s the only way, by strapping on his pads, or picking the ball and putting his book knowledge to use, right?”

Read all the books you want, but without practically using those facts all such knowledge is useless.

“You’ve got so many books on dieting?” somebody asks an overweight lady, but it doesn’t seem to have done much good. “No!” she says as she peels the wrapper of the next chocolate bar, “I know what to do, but don’t have the will to do it!”

“Come here!” I tell the little boy as I give him a bat, “Now let me bowl to you!”

And there as he faces the first ball and a thousand others, is the beginnings of a test cricketer, putting all his book theories into practice!

My book Dare will also be useless unless you go out and bat!

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This letter is not just for anyone; this is for those who like challenges. This is for those who find an adrenaline rush in dares. If you are the one who always suggests the game Truth or Dare at gatherings, well, you have landed in the right spot. And it is also, of course, for those who are kind enough to read it.

As humans, it is our natural instinct to accept the challenges we are offered. That feeling of accomplishment after completing the dare works like a drug to the body. Our body and mind are built to adapt and respond to the demands placed upon them which allow us to test our own limits every time, thus helping us grow.

Well, I have a challenge for you. I have a dare for you which I want you to accept and show me that you can complete the challenge.

I dare you… to be kind
Be kind, not just to others, but to yourself, too. Being too hard on yourself will result in nothing but sadness in your heart. Kindness doesn’t necessarily have to involve big tasks, it could be as small as holding the door open for someone or helping someone with their bags or just smiling at someone standing with you in a queue. Simple, right? And hey! It costs nothing, and don’t we Indians like free stuff?

I dare you… to stop depending upon “chaar log”
Stop seeking validation from the “chaar log” for every decision you take. “Chaar log kya kahenge?” Who are these “chaar log” anyway? And why are they always talking? Has anyone even seen them? Always so judgemental and dominating, like a dictator over everyone’s lives. I say, forget those four people!

Even if you think of these people as important, they are not as important as YOU. What you think about your life, your dreams and your decisions will always be more important than what THEY think. So don’t let them or anyone for that matter influence your way of life.

“You need to believe that you can do whatever you set your heart to. You CAN. And that is the only truth you need to know. YOU CAN. All you need to do is to believe!”

I dare you… to fight
Fight for your dreams and chase them like Tom chases Jerry. Never giving up on him. The chase might hurt you, and cause you to fall down a couple of times. It might even frighten you, but don’t give up. Living your dream will make all those downfalls worth it.

After all, it’s always better to lose after trying than not trying at all. Makes sense, right? Because, let’s admit it, the chances of achieving your dreams are higher when you are trying than when you are just complaining about how you didn’t make it.

I dare you… to believe
That little nagging voice in your head telling you that you can’t do it, that you will never be good enough, that you will fail… do yourself a favour and show it the door. It is doing nothing but sowing the seed of doubt in your mind, making you doubt your own capabilities. You need to believe that you can do whatever you set your heart to. You CAN. And that is the only truth you need to know. YOU CAN. All you need to do is to believe! Believe in your capabilities. Believe in yourself. And then just let that belief pave the way for you.

I dare you.

Yours,

The girl who accepted the challenge

Komal has announced prize money for whoever finds the “chaar log”. The amount is huge, so if anyone has seen them, contact her as soon as possible. She will arrange a party… of course, if those “chaar log” approve of it!

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