Dear teenagers,

This open letter to you can be the key with which you can open several doors — doors leading to success, and a fulfilling life.

Let me ask you a few questions:

DO you think that you are a capable, smart and a meritorious teenager?
ARE you ready to face life head-on and embark on your journey towards the future?
DO you think that you are better than several others you know in your network?
DO you want to succeed in life?
DO you dream of a life that gives you complete happiness?
DO you wish to travel around the world? Have a wonderful house and live happily with a loved one?
HOWEVER, are you feeling a bit unsettled and confused now? Perhaps, even a bit confused?
ARE you afraid of facing the future?

If the answer to most or all of the above questions is YES, then this letter is certainly meant for YOU!

You must be learning a lot these days; observing, listening and processing a lot of information, and the source of this info could be:

• Your parents telling you that you are simply the BEST and that your place shall be amongst the stars! Or reversely, some telling you that you are STUPID, useless and that you won’t accomplish much in your life.
• Many ideas must be forming and desires taking birth from the K-dramas or content appealing to you on OTT platforms.
• You must be observing a lot happening in the lives of your peers, classmates and friends.
• You must be watching your favourite actors or sports stars and role models living luxurious lifestyles, making you envious of them.

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I am blessed, for I have a special Friend — the best one can ever ask for!

No matter how busy my Friend is, He always has time for me. My Friend is warm and loving; pure, sincere and soft-spoken. My Friend ‘cares’ for the world and is a soulful saint completely immersed in music. He cannot tolerate superstitions, bigotry, and irrational practices. I like everything about my Friend. I share all that I feel and all that I experience with my Friend. He listens patiently and I have often caught a glimpse of him smiling through his pictures, when I take my silly wish-list before Him.

My best buddy is Guru Nanak.

I have grown up listening to all his tales, and revering Him. There are times when my mind is flooded with questions, too, regarding why He did this or that, but I’ve learnt that ‘acceptability’ is crucial to friendship; in fact, to any relationship. I have questions, probably because I cannot comprehend it all; cannot fully fathom His ways.

From my childhood, I have looked at Guru Nanak Devji as my friend and my God.

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While Brandon Sanderson once quipped, “Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack”, there are others who have echoed similar sentiments stating, ‘If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed.’

Yes, much has been written about why not to expect much from others, for it almost always results in hurt and spoils relationships with a dash of sourness. So, to be happy, one ought not to expect much. Yes, agreed… but then it is almost impossible to not expect. Other than probably a few learned and evolved saints who have succeeded in living life without expectations, it is not an easy feat for ordinary folks like us!

On how many occasions have you felt hurt and sad because you expected someone to do or not do something; expected him or her to say or not say something and the person acted contrary to your expectations?

Well, here’s one way we can handle our lives, our joys and our relationships much better. Just as in order to make a line smaller without erasing it, we need to draw a bigger line above it, so also to handle this big issue of rising expectations, we can divert our mind and conduct it towards a bigger concern.

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I’ve tried several times to think of one person who lived on this planet in our lifetime, who is greater than Dr A. P. J. Abdul Kalam. It is impossible for me to think of anyone with the incredible concoction of brilliance, simplicity, modesty, compassion, wisdom and empathy that the 11th President of India had.

No wonder he has inspired millions and shall continue to do so like none other can! This truest Ratna of Bharat, adorned the highest and revered seat of the nation without allegiance to any political party or political ideology, or political dynastic elite, and was the heartthrob of the nation in every sense of the word much before he took oath as the President of India.

Even his smile and compassionate and caring ways remained the same if not a little more endearing, despite being on top of a ladder where only few manage to reach.

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Even as the Government of India grapples with negativity and pessimism, largely unleashed by the media, a marvel of engineering is being readied in one of the most strategically significant areas of India. It has taken us ten years to build the ambitious double-tube Banihal-Qazigund Tunnel along the 270 km Jammu-Srinagar National Highway, and has cost us nearly Rs 2,100 crores. It shall ensure that Kashmir shall be linked to the rest of India during all weathers and in all conditions. The people are relieved; are rejoicing. Whether to take their goods or their loved ones in distress for medical treatment during the harsh winters — the citizens of this part of India shall heave a sigh of relief.

Yes, a lot is happening in India. Away from the glaring, ill-conceived and largely unjustified criticism of all that the government does or doesn’t do, there are countless stories of hope, valour and grit.

A large number of entrepreneurs and innovators across India responded quickly to the challenge posed by the COVID-19 pandemic. Asimov Robotics, a start-up based in Kerala, deployed robots at entrances to office buildings and other public places to dispense hand sanitizer, and in isolation wards to carry food and medicines in order to ease the pressure on medical staff.

In early April 2020, the Indian Government launched the COVID-19 tracking app, Aarogya Setu, which uses GPS and Bluetooth to inform people when they are at risk of exposure to COVID-19. The app was launched before a similar initiative from tech giants Google and Apple got off the ground.

Many start-ups developed low-cost, easy-to-use and portable ventilators which could be deployed even in rural areas of India.

Let us talk of cheer and positivity, even as we pray for the waves of the deadly pandemic to finally recede forever… Not only has India been witnessing some very remarkable integrating efforts between universities, industries (start-ups) and the government, but also some heartening efforts by individuals in all walks of life.

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“It’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.”
~ D. F. Uchtdorf

A terrible lot has happened over the past one year and a half! A lot, indeed…
A lot of panic.
A lot of deaths.
A lot of running helter-skelter.
A lot of baffled reactions.
A lot of recklessness.
A lot of over-confidence.
A lot of job losses.
A lot of deliberately induced negativity.
A lot of loneliness.
A lot of new avenues.
A lot of creativity.
A lot of negligence.

In short, life will never be as it used to be before the pandemic created this havoc. Even for nations and individuals that were not much rocked by grief and losses, life will not be the same ever again. The same was, perhaps, said of the World Wars and other big disasters that shook the world, but though those events were huge — the world wasn’t this global and the impact wasn’t felt this overwhelmingly. This time, we are all devastated by it — a little or a lot! But, we are…

Is there anyone out there, who hasn’t lost anyone he or she knew personally? A neighbour or an uncle or a teacher or a cousin or a friend’s parent or any other relative or a friend? A lot of us have also faced loneliness, helplessness at our inability to reach out to our loved ones, financial constraints and most important, almost all of us have faced FEAR!!! The FEAR of what lies ahead, and how shall we cope with the uncertainties ahead — is gnawing us from within…

While a lot of articles, slogans and messages, are doing rounds, we alone can best lay down what is the most suitable mantra for us. Although, the final choice is ours, there is no harm in trying to understand whatever we can in a bid to boost our preparedness.

One such attempt at a holistic strategy/mantra for the days and years ahead can be: “I-SEE”.

‘I’ ought to be our most important concern, right now. If you survive and survive well, only then you can be of any use to your loved ones, and to the community at large. Hence, the first ought to be ‘I’. Sit down with a pen and paper and jot down everything that you can about yourself like:

• what foods suit you
• what ails you
• what causes you discomfort
• how much do you sleep

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Do you doubt yourself? I do, and I am not ashamed to admit it. I have come across several folks who never doubt themselves; not even for a moment. While I admire some for their self-confidence, there are others who come across as too self-assured and arrogant.

What about you?

• Do you doubt yourself, in the sense that you are not too sure of whether what you think, speak and act is or isn’t good enough?
• Do you keep quiet when you know that you must not, just because you are not too sure of yourself?
• Do you wonder a lot about why and how others are so very talented and confident?

Are you alone battling with self-doubt?

If ‘yes’, then while we need to sit up and do something, we also can pat and comfort ourselves because we aren’t alone in this battle with doubt. Self-doubt has plagued the minds and persona of many a top-achiever, too. Many successful and famous personalities have spent sleepless nights fearful that they did not deserve all of what they have achieved and that it shall all be taken away.

American poet, Maya Angelou, once admitted: “I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh-oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’”

The thought that they are not competent despite the success and fame, gives a lot of anxiety to many of those whom we admire in our lives. When taken too far, a mild and harmless feeling of self-doubt makes many people feel that all of their name and fame is a fraud. Known as Imposter Syndrome, these disturbing thoughts can rob us of all joys and contentment in life.

What causes self-doubt?

The causes behind these nagging feelings that I am no good, are largely owing to the atmosphere at home. We are certainly not born with these fears and it seems that much depends on how the initial raising of a child has been. Well, since that is not in anybody’s control, let us look at the causes which can be understood and dealt with:

Looking outside rather than inside: If there is a streak of comparison-with-others, inside us, we are likely to keep looking outside at what others have got, much more than we look inside at what we’ve got! This certainly aggravates self-doubt because there are many good and capable people out there. This constant comparison must stop! If our parents do it, it is bad as it is, but if we too do not quell this habit soon — it may overwhelm all our thoughts and make us afraid-to-act all the time.

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Someone who ‘smiles’ and wins hearts;
Someone who pens a simple story and leaves an indelible mark on the hearts of the reader;
Someone who took a backseat in terms of power and positions and found herself standing steadfast in the most towering position…

These are not the traits or achievements of Mrs Sudha Murthy… These are just a few amongst the countless outcomes of her being herself. She does not have to do a lot to make a difference. She has just to be herself. She has shredded to pieces the claims of the modern, urbane, competitive and bashful folks who teach us that having a ‘killer spirit’ and the confidence to assert yourself will push others behind and give you a position at the top. She does not brag; does not authoritatively command or have airs about her education and social standing and yet she is at the top; she is a role-model to millions and without seeking any of it — she has it all!

Yes, that is Sudha Murthy — an author, teacher, entrepreneur, social worker and most importantly, a warm and endearing person par excellence. Born on 19 August 1950 in Karnataka, she completed a B.Eng. in Electrical and Electronics Engineering from the B.V.B. College of Engineering & Technology (now known as KLE Technological University), standing first in her class and receiving a gold medal from the Chief Minister of Karnataka. Later, she completed M. Eng. in Computer Science from the Indian Institute of Science, standing first in her class and receiving a gold medal from the Indian Institute of Engineers.

Sudha Murthy became the first female engineer hired at India’s largest auto manufacturer TATA Engineering and Locomotive Company (TELCO). She joined the company as a Development Engineer in Pune and then worked in Mumbai and Jamshedpur as well. She later joined Walchand Group of Industries at Pune as Senior Systems Analyst. She has been a visiting professor at the PG Center of Bangalore University and has also taught at Christ University.

Sudha married Narayana Murthy in 1978. Simplicity and charity aren’t virtues that she has now adopted after the husband-wife duo tasted success or prosperity. These virtues were in their very being always. Their wedding was a simple affair with just the family of the two. The whole wedding cost 800 wherein both pitched in equal amounts.

They both shared the passion and dream of triggering a digital revolution in India However, they too had their own share of struggles to cope with and decisions to make. “He (N. R. Narayana Murthy) told me, ‘I require three years of your hard work and I will not be able to earn, you have to manage the family, and give me the initial investment.’ I said okay and let him do it. What I would have lost, only three years in my career, that is okay,” Sudha said in an interview with CNBC-TV18 in 2007.

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Has a personal setback or sorrow bumped into you so far in your life? A loved one’s death or a heartbreak or a failure or squabbling in the family?

It is impossible to rank sorrows in the order of their painful impact. The pain felt due to the loss of a parent cannot be compared with an experience of ruthless bullying in school/college, but for the bearer the scar might well be equally scary. To have an unemployed or abusive father could be as painful for a growing teenager as the first betrayal in love could be for another.

We have all grown up listening to various quotes, fables, songs, and talks by parents and elders guiding us in various ways that ups and downs are, and shall be inevitable in life. But what about the skills needed to scale these ups and downs? In how many homes, or even in schools, are these skills imparted so that we can handle these adversities better?

Most schools, too, go about stuffing down formulae, calculations, theorems, laws, etc., down our systems, while smirking at the very impracticality of the proposition of imparting life-skills in students so that they can handle adversities better.

Yet, challenges, crises situations and adversities cannot be wished away. No matter how much our parents and teachers, and elders love us, and bless us, we will have to go through our share of the sun and the rain. No one is spared. Yes, life is a mixed bag! What shall pop out of the surprise bag and when and how, no one knows!

Adversity Quotient?

How ready are we for all good and not-so-good experiences life may pop out for us? We must spend some time and energy on improving our adversity quotient, before sorrow catches us unawares. There was a time when the whole world was obsessed with pushing up the IQ (Intelligence Quotient) of children. All efforts were directed at improving IQ because our intelligence quotient was then considered synonymous with ‘success.’

Today, the parameters of ‘success’ have shifted. It is widely-known now, that ‘success’ cannot be entirely defined in terms of a student’s aptitude to ram calculations, logic, and grammar into his or her head. Countless instances wherein merit-list toppers and rank holders have committed suicide or harmed themselves or crumbled under the most trivial of circumstances, forced the world to sit upright and take notice of the futility of scoring high on just the IQ scale.

The idea has somewhat dawned on all that to live life happily and successfully, we need a good score on the Emotional Quotient (EQ) scale and the Adversity Quotient scale. While there are psychometric and biometric tests available which claim to tell us our AQ score, we do not have to necessarily go through them to know where we stand. There is a simple technique:

Just ask yourself!

Yes, do regularly sit with yourself and ponder over the happy and sad occurrences in your life and look objectively at your reactions to the latter. Did you behave calmly and give a matured response? Did you hysterically cry at minor issues and create a ruckus?

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November 12, this year, marks the 550th birth anniversary of Guru Nanak, the first Guru of Sikh religion. Guru Nanak Jayanti is one of the most sacred festivals of Sikhism, and Sikhs all over the world celebrate it with great enthusiasm and a variety of colourful festivities. To mark the 550th birth anniversary of the great sage, The Teenager Today brings you a special feature on Guru Nanakji and Sikhism by DR NAVNIIT GANDHI, a devout Sikh herself and one of the close associates of the magazine.

He was eleven years old. His father decided it was time to perform the thread ceremony, customary as it was for Hindu boys of his caste to start wearing the sacred thread. The boy, however, refused. He told his father that people should be identified and known by what they do or did not do and by their distinctive qualities and not by a thread.

The young boy was Nanak. Born to Mata Tripta and Kalyan Chand Das in the town of Nankana, about 40 miles from Lahore (in the undivided India) in 1469, Nanak showed signs of depth in thinking and conduct and a very different bent of mind from a young age. So, he was often at the receiving end of his father’s ire for something or the other. Whenever his father asked him to take cattle for grazing, Nanak would slip into deep meditative trances and get into trouble when the cattle wandered into the fields and ate up the crops of the neighbours!

The constant complaints from the neighbours would upset his father who scolded Nanak severely for what he thought was sheer laziness. Nanak was very fond of his elder sister Nanaki. After her marriage (Nanak was only six years old), he went to live with her and her husband in Sultanpur.

Nanak studied Hinduism and Islam extensively and the argumentative streak in him led him to frequent debates with both Hindu and Muslim sages, and the common folks. He strongly believed that it was wrong to focus on external actions like pilgrimages and penances; and that what really mattered was one’s effort to bring about internal changes in him/her.

He felt that people should be made to realise the true nature of God, blinded and obsessed as they were with only the superficial. He also believed that the ways to attain spiritual growth were meditation and music. He was convinced, and wanted also others to realise, that the divine streak was present in every human being.

On 24 September 1487, Nanak married Mata Sulakkhani in the town of Batala. In 1496, Nanak set out on his quest and embarked on a series of spiritual journeys, throughout India, Tibet and Arabia. He travelled for 30 years and met a lot of learned men all along the way. He studied along with them and discussed and debated with them and thus his ideas began to take shape. He travelled with his Muslim companion Bhai Mardana — to all four directions from his home village. During the years 1500-1524, he travelled almost 28,000 kms.

Once, Guru Nanakji and his disciples reached a village where the villagers were ill-mannered and abused everyone. When Guruji tried to stop them from abusing, they made fun of him. When he saw his teachings were of no use to them, he planned to leave the village. The villagers mocked him saying, “Mahatma, we have served you so much; bless us before leaving.” So, he blessed them saying, “Stay together in one place.” After some time they went to another village where the people were pious, pure and loving. They took good care of every guest, and served everyone well. While leaving, they too asked for his blessings, and he blessed them saying, “May all of you get dispersed.”

The disciples asked Nanak the reason for his different blessings. He told them: “Remember, good people always carry their goodness wherever they go. Wherever they live, they create an atmosphere of love and harmony around them. So I asked the village with so many good people to disperse.”

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