“No, because I’m not crazy!”

Of course I didn’t mean it in the being crazy way! But the social animals we are, we talk to people around us every day, every hour, and some of us every minute. Based on what work we do, we could be talking incessantly all day too even if we didn’t want to. While a large chunk of our conversations are transactional, i.e., they are a method of communicating our needs and wants to the world, and seeking ways to get them fulfilled; a lot of our talks shape our reality and influence our view of the world. And ourselves. 

Talking to yourself really means reflecting on your life, people within it and events that transpire inside of it. Self-talk is like a reappraisal that is so personal and unique to each one of us. Nobody can talk to us the way we can. And occasionally do. 

Think about it. Do you ever feel as if:

• You’re different from others?
• Nobody understands you? 
• You aren’t accepted for who you are?
• You can’t express what you feel? 
• You’re punished for how you think?

You’ll be surprised to know how many teenagers think like you. And ponder over why nobody gets them. And why they just don’t fit. 

We’re each unique. 

And that’s what make us all the same!

It’s the sense of belongingness that connects us to the rest of the world. We feel comfortable when we belong. And when we’re certain that we’re cared for, loved, accepted and wanted. But who today can love unconditionally like that? Be it friends, classmates, teachers or even family, they all have opinions. We worry so much about what they think and whether they accept us enough, that in the bargain we lose focus of what we’re doing to gain that love and trust from them in the first place. 

And then our self-esteem? If we call it self-esteem how can we base it on how much regard outsiders gives us?

Self-talk is the answer. 

But it helps only when you ask yourself the right questions. And then of course give yourself appropriate answers. 

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Everyone has a mental picture in their minds of who they are, what they are capable of, and where they are going in life. If you suffer from low self-confidence, it means that you have a negative view of these things in your mind. You probably feel that you are not worth much and that whatever you try will result either in mediocrity or failure. If you want to increase your self-esteem and build your self-confidence, you have to work on your self-perception.

To start the process of improving your self-esteem, you need to incorporate these daily habits into your life.

Change your self-talk

Self-talk is the act of talking to oneself, either mentally or aloud. It is any thought that pops into your head in reaction to an external stimulus. The way that you feel about situations depends on what you tell yourself.

If you think about a situation negatively, it will lead to negative emotions like irritation or anxiety. Thinking about the situation positively will lead to positive feelings like excitement or happiness. When you are working on increasing your self-esteem, you become more aware of the constant self-talk that leads to negative feelings, and you can replace it with positive self-talk that encourages higher levels of self-esteem.

For example, if you are always telling yourself that you are fat every time you look in the mirror, stop and replace these thoughts with words of encouragement. You have trained yourself to look at areas of your body that make you insecure and reinforce your insecurity by saying “I’m fat.” Teach yourself to appreciate your body or focus on an area that you feel good about. Over time, this will shift your self-image and confidence.

Practise affirmations

Affirmations are simple, positive statements that you can write about yourself to change negative thinking patterns. They help to improve self-esteem by implanting new beliefs to replace beliefs that cause low self-esteem. With enough repetition, affirmations will become implanted into your subconscious mind.

Here are a few starters. Write these out before you sleep — 21 times each for 21 days continuously. If you skip a day, start again.

• I love and accept myself unconditionally.
• I am peaceful with all my emotions. I love and approve of myself.
• I create a life filled with rewards.

Stop comparisons

Recognize that you are unique. Realize that you never get the full story and that everyone puts on a front in an attempt to disguise their insecurities. When you compare yourself to others, you are merely comparing yourself to the façade others are presenting to the world. Everyone has thoughts, doubts, insecurities, judgements and other inner battles that they deal with in their minds.

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